


Ashes and Sparks

by BronzeDragon13



Series: Fire House Collection [3]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Family Feels, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:14:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 31,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24700669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BronzeDragon13/pseuds/BronzeDragon13
Summary: Little snippets of the fire family that the series didn't elaborate on. The final installment of the Fire House collection.
Relationships: Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Henrietta "Hen" Wilson/Karen Wilson, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Series: Fire House Collection [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1704040
Comments: 111
Kudos: 254
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	1. Chapter 1

23\. Weakness

Waking up that morning, Maddie was excited. After a long couple of weeks, they could finally bring in one or two visitors to see their new baby. Not surprisingly, Chimney and Maddie knew who they were bringing in first, and within the hour, both individuals had agreed and a time was picked. Buck was waiting outside of the condo, grinning from ear to ear, and Maddie could tell that today was going to be a good day for everyone.

“Good morning,” Maddie chirped as she locked the front door. Buck easily swept her into a hug, something that Maddie envied, as once upon a time, she had been the one to do this to him. “Did you get any sleep last night?”

“Are you kidding? I get to meet my niece, Mads, who can sleep when they have to wait for that?” Buck and Hen had been wonderful through the whole process; going back and forth to the house so they had clean clothes, grabbing them food so they didn’t have to leave.

“You’ve seen the videos and pictures of her.” There had been so many text exchanges, countless videos and pictures, as well as daily updates.

“Yeah, but this is different,” Buck pulled out of the driveway and started heading for the direction of the hospital. “I get to actually meet her.”

“You know, I think this is the first time you are happy to be going to the hospital.”

“Ha, ha, I’m serious Maddie. I even got her a gift in the backseat.”

And the spoiling had begun. Honestly, Maddie wasn’t shocked. Buck had already said he was going to spoil their kid when they first announced their pregnancy; Eddie had sent her pictures of the tiny stack of clothing Buck had found, even the little plushies of the favorite movie characters that Chimney liked to decorate the nursery, and she was damn sure that he had already set up a fund alongside Christopher’s.

“You didn’t need to get her anything.”

“Seriously? I’m supposed to go see my niece for the first time and, what, not give her something? Nope, not happening,” Buck insisted. “It’s nothing major, anyway, just a little something for Phoebe. Christopher helped pick it out so technically, it’s from both of us.”

“Excluding Eddie?”

“He picked out the card,” Buck chuckled. “Christopher vetoed all his previous choices, said that they weren’t up to snuff.”

Turning into the hospital parking lot, they found a spot, and headed inside. Maddie, having been here so long she could find the way with her eyes closed, directed them. They got buzzed in, checked in with the nurses, and were soon being escorted off to the side so that they could wash their hands and put on the standard blue protection gowns. As she took hers, Maddie couldn’t help but smile softly as Buck bounced on his toes, little gift bag hanging off his wrist, scanning the window for Phoebe.

“I know that there are a lot of wires,” Maddie says as they slip on the blue gowns before entering the NICU. “The nurses will help you so that nothing gets accidently pulled.”

Maddie led Buck over, past the other incubators and parents, to the one where her daughter was. The NICU was bustling, as usual, and Maddie navigated the unit with ease. Chimney had to go into work, the two of them switching days so that Phoebe would always have someone there with her, and Maddie couldn’t wait any longer. After close to two weeks since Maddie went into premature labor, the rest of their family and friends had been regulated to seeing only pictures and videos of their baby. Until today.

Chimney was grabbing Hen after their shift; Maddie snagged Buck before his night one began. Her brother was excited, smile not fading from his face the entire time, and Maddie knew that it was going to be one of those days when neither of them could risk looking at each other without crying. Then, they reached the incubator that had been her little girls home since she made her debut. Phoebe was tiny, wearing a little purple cap together, and her eyes were open when Maddie peered down over her.

“Good morning, sweet girl,” Maddie cooed. The nurse, Samantha, came over and started the process of getting Phoebe all set up.

“Is this your brother?”

“He is,” Maddie bumped Buck’s shoulders.

“She looks bigger than the last picture you sent,” Buck mentioned, and Maddie knew he had saved all of them, always checking in with Maddie and Chimney to see how they were doing or if they needed anything.

“Phoebe’s gained a whole pound since she came here,” Samantha reported. “If you wanted, you could feed her later on, she’s doing really well eating from the bottle.” And, boy, that was an image that Maddie needed to have on her phone. Buck smiled briefly before returning his eyes to his niece. Maddie was excited and she gently brushed her finger over Phoebe’s cheek. “You can sit over there,” Samantha pointed to the recliner off to the side. Buck allowed the nurse to arrange his arms. “It’s okay, relax your arms.”

“I don’t want to drop her.”

“You won’t,” Samantha soothed. “Little Phoebe here is pretty tough.”

Maddie grinned as Phoebe was brought over, fussing for a few moments before settling, and Samantha gently transferred the baby over. Phoebe’s eyes were open, gazing up, and Buck’s face was locked in on her. When everything was set, Samantha stepped back and pointed out the call button to Maddie before going to check on another patient.

“She’s so little,” Buck finally said.

“You’re going to have to be patient with your Uncle Evan,” Maddie said as she adjusted the cap on Phoebe’s head. “He’s a little nervous about meeting you.”

“Uncle Evan,” Buck whispered. “Still sounds weird to hear.”

“Chimney hasn’t even busted out all his Uncle Buck jokes, so be prepared,” Maddie warned. “Phoebe, this is your Uncle Evan.” Phoebe smacked her lips, tiny limbs moving and stretching for a moment, before curling up more in Buck’s arms.

“She’s grown a lot since she was born,” Maddie couldn’t help but take out her phone and snap one or two shots; Buck’s eyes were focused entirely on her daughter, looking impossibly tiny in his arms, and all Phoebe did was silently look up at him. “Chimney and I think she’s got the Buckley nose.”

“Course she does,” Buck moved his hand slightly and Phoebe latched onto his thumb. “She’s going to be a heart breaker when she turns thirty.”

“Thirty?” Buck lifted his head and stared at Maddie.

“Yes, thirty, because I know that if she has our genes, then she’s going to be a trouble maker. I know that you and Chimney would lose your minds if she acted like I did once I realized dating was a thing.” For a moment, she pictured that, her daughter sneaking out, kissing guys or girls in the middle of the night, giving her and Howie gray hairs.

“Fine,” She sighed, taking another camera shot. “No dating till thirty.”

“Excuse me,” Samantha popped back in, holding a tiny bottle, and held it out to Maddie. “It’s time for this little one to eat. Would you like to feed her?”

“You’re up, Ev,” Maddie volunteered him and Samantha swooped in to help set it up. One arm cradling Phoebe, the other holding the bottle, angled to allow for the correct flow from the rubber nipple.

“You’re sure this is okay?” Buck asked. Maddie nodded immediately.

“Buck, I’ve gotten the chance to feed her a lot, and there will be plenty more opportunities,” Maddie leaned in to snap another photo, an adorable one with Phoebe sucking down the milk while still holding onto Buck’s thumb. “I want you to have these memories, too. Chimney’s gonna let Hen have the same chance when she comes to visit later today.”

“As long as you’re sure,” Buck snickered as he listened to the noises Phoebe was making. “Geez, she’s wolfing this thing down.”

“Well, she’s got your appetite,” Maddie teased. “Want to show her what you got her?”

“Yeah, you can open the bag,” Buck said, eyes trained once more on the baby, and Maddie felt like crying for a second. For the fact that she got to have this.

Taking the gift bag, Maddie reached in, pulling out a card. On the front was a little lamb, welcoming the new baby, and Buck and the Diaz’s had signed the inside. Pulling out the gift had Maddie beaming. It was a soft stuffed animal, a plush green alligator, and when Maddie squeezed the middle, it made a noise.

“We love you, Phoebe!” She could detect her brother’s voice, in addition to Christopher’s and Eddie’s.

“Every kid needs a bunch of stuffed animals. Chris insisted that the alligator was the coolest pick, much better than a regular bear,” Buck said. Maddie gave Buck a one-armed hug, kissing the side of his head, before leaning down to kiss her daughter’s cap.

“It’s perfect,” Maddie replied, so full of love that she could burst. “The perfect pick for her.”


	2. Chapter 2

70\. Circulate 

Coming off shift didn’t have the same feeling of success as it did before. Bobby was already gone, barely staying long enough to say goodbye to the rest of his crew, before darting out the door. By now, it was just Hen and Buck in the locker room, the next shift already on the floor getting ready for incoming calls. As much as Hen wanted to go home, the thought of entering the house and trying to sleep wasn’t appealing, and it looked like Buck wasn’t that keen on leaving either.

“I was thinking of going to the hospital to visit Chim,” Hen announced. Buck looked up from his phone and put it in his pocket.

“They’re allowing visitors?”

“Yeah,” She took a breath. “I can’t stomach the thought of going home right now. I know you can’t, either, so let’s get in our cars and go visit our guy.”

Buck didn’t put up a fight and followed her out, Hen texting Karen to let her wife know where she was going, and they both got into their cars. The hospital was easy enough to get to, the pair of them grabbing drinks from the coffee cart, before heading up for the floor where Chimney was resting.

“The station feels off,” Buck said as they climbed the stairs. They could have taken the elevator, but there was a restless energy flowing through them, and the physical exertion of climbing the steps helped. “I keep turning my head to talk to him and it still surprises me when he isn’t there.”

Hen knew that the medics on the 118 were competent, they wouldn’t be here if they weren’t, but they weren’t Chimney. Weren’t her best friend. Weren’t her partner, who could anticipate her moves before she did, knew instinctually what to do together without ever opening his mouth.

“When I helped Bobby with the meal earlier, I made up Chim’s plate, and it took me a second to remember that he wasn’t there.” Buck admitted. The floor was quiet when they finally made it. Nurses and aides wandered the floor, Hen and Buck moving out of the way, and stopping just outside of Chim’s room. “Do you know how bad it is?”

“No,” Hen hoped it wasn’t terrible. She fumbled over her feet, sneakers catching the floor just right, and Buck steadied her before taking her coffee.

“I’ll give it back when you’re sitting. No use spilling it.”

Chimney was there, unmoving in the bed, eyes closed. There was a white bandage wrapping around his head, oxygen tubing under his nose, and a load of IV’s and sensors. The worst part was how still and quiet he was; Chimney was always humming some pop song, often pairing up some ridiculous dance moves, and Hen hated how he looked in the bed. Thankfully, there wasn’t any blood, and Chimney didn’t appear to be in any pain. Hen took the open chair closest to the bed and Buck grabbed the other one against the wall.

“I hate the fact that both of us probably have specific indents in these chairs,” Hen said, trying to break the silence.

“That’s a fun little thought,” Buck handed her back her cup of coffee. “Also, I think that they’re coming to take him for another MRI soon.”

“How’d you figure that out?”

“I looked on the computer screen by the nursing station.”

“Of course, you did,” Hen sighed, taking a long sip, as Buck took the other open seat.

“It’s not my fault, just had to look for his room number, the whole thing is in plain sight,” Buck defended.

“That would be his third one,” Hen took in Chimney’s form on the bed, wires and tubes scattered around him, and resisted the urge to dive in and start organizing them.

“The first two came back with good results.”

“Yeah, they did, and he is still unconscious. What if they missed something?”

“I don’t know,” Buck admitted, looking a little lost for second, and Hen took another drink.

“Have you ever heard of someone surviving something like this?”

“Phineas Gage did,” Buck propped his head up on his hand and fiddled with the straw to his iced coffee.

“Who is he?”

“He worked as a foreman for the railroad, an iron rod went through his skull, survived the accident which was unheard of at the time.” Hen, who had grown used to Buck spouting out random facts dating back years, encouraged him to continue.

“Did he make a full recovery?”

“Kind of,” Buck looked down, fingers toying with the lid of his coffee cup, and then over to Chimney’s bed. “He had a lot of changes, like, personality wise. His family said it was like talking to a stranger.” Well, that was great. Hen had known Chimney for years, the thought that he might wake up and not recognize her was nauseating.

“Chim won’t be like that. He’s tough, we got to him in time, he’ll be okay.” They sat in silence for a long time, listening to the rhythmic beeps and sounds of the hospital equipment, watching Chim’s face for any signs of discomfort.

“I forgot how much this part sucks.” Buck said it with an air of worry, and Hen was struck by just how young he was in comparison to herself.

“You’ve taken up a hospital bedside before?”

“Once, yeah,” Buck didn’t elaborate. Hen knew there was more to that statement and now wasn’t the time to push.

“Chimney is strong,” Hen knew that her friend would come back from this. “Just watch, this is going to be the only time the station is quiet.”

“He’s gotten this hurt before?” Hen shook her head.

Bruises and scrapes? Sure. Occasional concussions or broken bones? A risk of their job. More serious injuries, such as smoke inhalation or severe bleeding, hadn’t happened in a long time. Chimney, though, would be the first 118 paramedic to be impaled. Granted, Hen didn’t think Buck would be all that comforted by that statement. Even Bobby, who normally kept a level head, wasn’t sure how this would end.

“Have they gotten in touch with his family yet?”

“We’ve left messages, but the time difference is hard to work around.” Hen didn’t know the whole story of Chimney’s family, actually, they all were pretty closed off about their families, and Hen wasn’t sure if she sounded more impersonal or awkward making that phone call. “I was thinking that we should get him a cool thing when he comes back,” Hen said. “Something memorable.”

Right now, Hen couldn’t think that Chimney wouldn’t come back to the 118. Not having him there, keeping them on their toes, making sure they were working smoothly, wasn’t a thought that Hen wanted to breathe more life into than necessary.

“He likes cake,” Buck replied. “We could get him a cool one of those.”

“What do you think, Chim?” Hen wasn’t sure what made her talk to her silent friend. There wasn’t a response. “Look, you got to get better soon, or I’ll do the unthinkable. I’ll order a cake with that crappy whipped topping that you hate.”

“I don’t understand the argument you two have about that,” Buck said.

“It’s a long story,” Hen reached out and gently grabbed Chimney’s hand, the one with the least amount of IV’s.

They stayed for another hour, until Chimney had to go down for his test, and that was what started the unspoken agreement. Granted, Hen couldn’t visit as often as she wanted, having a wife and kid did mean she had certain responsibilities to complete at home, but she and Buck came as much as possible. They would come and catalog Chimney’s progress. In addition to that, they kept their friend updated on the current on-goings of work.

There was also a lack of presence from a certain someone; Tatiana hadn’t shown up once, not even when they asked some of the nurses if she had been in while they were on shift. Hen didn’t have her number, so trying to contact her was out of the question, and she had to reel back the urge to go off on the woman. Dating a first responder was hard enough; Chimney had a freak accident, one stemming from a meeting with her, and Hen was angry.

“I think she’s gone,” Hen wasn’t sure why she was clinging hard to Buck during this. Granted, Buck wasn’t about to tell her to back off, and both of them were feeling the loss of Chim acutely.

“Tatiana?”

“Yeah,” Hen closed the lid of disinfection wipes with more force than needed. “How can you do that to a person? I get it if the relationship doesn’t work out, but Chimney’s been awake for over a week now, and she hasn’t appeared once.”

“You said it yourself, dating someone in our line of work is hard. Maybe she decided to leave now, before it got too much.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it!” Hen was glad that they were in the privacy of the ambulance and her shout didn’t echo. “Chimney doesn’t deserve that.”

“No, he doesn’t, and if she ever shows her face again, then we’ll make sure she knows that.”

“You would be fine with me going off on her?”

“I mean,” Buck finished latching the cabinets closed. “I wouldn’t call attention to it for, like, the first ten minutes.”

“I only get ten minutes?”

“Ten minutes is a lot of time to do damage, trust me, any longer and Bobby would get suspicious.” Hen sighed and nodded.

“True, there’s always got to be a responsible one.”

Still, Hen wasn’t sure how she would react if Tatiana ever showed up again. She was protective, especially since Chimney had really seemed to enjoy the woman. Chimney was eventually transferred to a short term rehab program. They couldn’t visit much then, since the facility was close to an hour away from the hospital, but they did text and facetime as much as possible. When it got closer to Chimney being discharged home, Hen grabbed Karen, Bobby, and Buck, and headed over to Chimney’s apartment.

Together, they cleaned up the place, ensuring that Chimney would be comfortable and have all the chores done. Bobby stocked the freezer with plenty of premade meals, Karen and Buck tackling the clean-up of the living room, bedroom, and bathroom, while Hen did laundry and cleaned up the kitchen as Bobby finished up. There, she brainstormed ideas for a welcome home party, debating if they should have it now or wait until word from the higher ups came down. Bobby seemed optimistic, which was good, since Hen wasn’t sure how much longer she could deal without seeing her best friend.

They settled on having a party once Chimney was cleared to work. There was a welcome home banner strung up in the living room, along with some of Chimney’s favorites, minus the alcohol obviously. Chimney was ecstatic, moving around, a bit slower than usual, and seemed to love having the power to simply ask one of them for something and have it brought to him. Hen endured the endless questions, each of them filling Chimney in on some of the weirder calls that had come in lately.

“I missed you,” Hen said as they were cleaning up to go home.

“Aw, Henrietta,” Chimney draped his body against hers. “I missed seeing your face, too.”

“Only my face?”

“Well, the snarky attitude was something I was sorely lacking. As well as the silent looks we shared over a messy situation.” Hen laughed at that, picturing the energy level going back up in the station, eager for Chimney to be cleared for work.

“Oh, just you wait, Chim. You’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”


	3. Chapter 3

12\. Dress 

“Are you sure you don’t want a second opinion on this?” Buck asked again as Maddie pulled into the parking spot. “Maybe a female opinion?” Maddie shut the car off and turned to give Buck a look. The classic big sister look that shouldn’t be fair to use on him anymore.

“I want your opinion. Besides, I know you, Evan, you probably know more than you think,” Maddie said as she grabbed her purse and got out of the car. The bridal shop was small, and Maddie led the way, quickly talking to the sales associate and moving further into the store. Buck felt out of his element. Granted, his normal element was much dirtier, and dangerous, the rows of different dresses on all sides making Buck feel like one wrong step could end in disaster. Maddie and the older woman chatted as they went up and down the store, Buck not sure where to stand.

“And is this your fiancé?” The woman asked. Maddie burst out laughing at Buck’s expression.

“No, this is my brother.” Maddie explained.

“Ah, my mistake then. Sometimes brides bring their future husband with them and they have the same wide-eyed look.”

Eventually, Buck is directed to a chair towards the back of the store, while Maddie is ushered into a changing room with the lady. There are more dresses than Buck would have expected being placed in with her and he settles into wait. The first dress that Maddie comes out in is stunning. It reminds him of the one dress Cinderella wore, the traditional ballgown cut, and Maddie smiles as his look.

“Yeah, I was taken aback at first, too,” Maddie chuckled. “What do you think?”

“Besides looking like a Disney princess, you look amazing,” Buck said honestly. Maddie beamed as the sales associate started to point out different things on the dress, from the length to the shoulder cut.

“It looks great, but it doesn’t feel like the one, you know?” Maddie stated. Of course, Buck had no idea what ‘the one’ would feel like, as wedding shopping was so far out of his knowledge base. The next dress wasn’t a hit. The cut wasn’t that flattering on Maddie, looking better on the hanger than a person, and Buck instantly shook his head at it.

“No,” Buck frowned. “That one isn’t it either.” The cut was a weird sweetheart one, the sleeves almost sliding off Maddie’s shoulders, and it was too baggy around the waist, according to Maddie.

The third dress was a better fit, though it didn’t excite Maddie as much as the first one. Dresses four and five were a miss; dress four wasn’t worn for very long before Maddie was saying that it wasn’t a win. Dress number five didn’t even make it to the viewing block in front of the mirror. Maddie opened the curtain, pointed to the dress, and shook her head.

“Nope,” Maddie said. “You know the show, the Adam’s Family? I feel like an unsexy Mortica Adams.”

“Then I guess that one is a no-go,” Buck agreed. Maddie disappeared back into the changing room, announcing that they only had one more dress to try on.

<<< Eddie: How goes the dress shopping?

>>> Buck: There are so many!!! I’m just sitting in a chair trying not to touch anything.

<<< Eddie: Any success yet?

>>> Buck: Are you asking as you or is Chimney pestering you?

<<< Eddie: What do you think?

<<< Eddie: Of course, it’s Chim asking lol

>>> Buck: It’s going alright but I’ve been sworn to secrecy

<<< Eddie: Chim says that he needs a hint

>>> Buck: The dress is white

<<< Eddie: {Image received}

>>> Buck: Okay, flipping me off was rude first of all

>>> Buck: Second, now he’s definitely not getting any hints

“Almost ready!” Maddie called out.

“How do you feel about this one?” Buck asked. Buck was glad that there wasn’t anyone else in the store, as the constant calling back and forth might have annoyed other shoppers, even if they kept their volume regulated.

“Wait and see, Evan.” Maddie teased.

>>> Buck: Got to go, Maddie’s showing me another one

<<< Eddie: Best of luck. Chimney is full on pouting now.

>>> Buck: Good, he isn’t supposed to know yet anyway.

The curtain pulled back and Buck’s mouth dropped. Maddie was wearing a sleek dress, and was grinning as she walked over to the mirrors, clearly pleased with how Buck was reacting.

“So, I think this one might be my favorite.”

“Oh, good,” Buck was relieved. “This one beats the first one, hands down.”

The sales associate started talking, explaining it like she had done the others, though Buck wasn’t listening. Maddie was stunning, practically vibrating with excitement, and Buck know that this one was the one she would go with. There was a short train in the back, a long line of elegant pearls up the back, and the sleeves were made up of delicate lace. It gave off a 1940’s vibe, classic and simple, which was what Maddie had been aiming for when she first started wedding planning.

“I think this is the one,” Maddie announced.

“You look amazing,” Buck told her. He wasn’t there for the wedding process when Maddie first got married. He also doubted that Maddie had enjoyed the whole thing as much as she was now.

“Then, I think we found the dress,” Maddie turned the to the woman. “Number six was a winner.”

“Terrific! Most brides find the one towards the end of trying things on,” She helped Maddie down from the block.

“Do you think Howie is going to like it?”

“Mads, he’s going to either cry or pass out when he sees you,” Buck knew that Chimney was going to be a mess on the actual wedding day. “You look gorgeous.” Buck followed along as Maddie walked up to the counter. Quickly, Buck slid his card over when it came time to pay.

“Evan!”

“Nope, consider it a late birthday or wedding gift,” Buck stared her down until she put her wallet back. “Let me do this for you, okay?”

“You are ridiculous,” Maddie said, shaking her head, but let it happen.

“Maddie, you’re getting married, let me help, please?”

“Fine, only because I know you’ll whip out the puppy dog eyes if I don’t let you.” He totally would. “How long until Howie starts asking for pictures?”

“He’s already there,” Buck laughed. “Better start the betting pool, he’s totally going to cry when he sees you.” Which was nice, since Buck would likely cry as well, so they could be hot messes together.


	4. Chapter 4

55\. Constitution

•There are two packs of gum in Chimney’s locker. One pack that anyone on the team or station is welcome to ask for and have, and one specifically for Chimney, as it is often some type of minty flavor. The rest of the team also carries extras in case Chim runs out.

•The gum chewing is just something that no one questions. It helps Chimney focus, whether it is during a call or during a long period of inaction, as well as satisfies that oral fixation. In the long run, it is a better option than nail biting or pen chewing.

•The nail biter of the team is Eddie. In fact, the man is known for chewing his nails down to the nail bed, causing the skin to bleed, before moving on to either another finger, cheek, or lip. The bad habit has caused more than one person on the team to cringe.

•The cringers of the crew are Bobby and Buck. Bobby, because he doesn’t want Eddie to do damage to his body, and often tries to offer other techniques to use, such as a stress ball or gum, like Chimney. Buck, used to the bloody digits, whips out band aids like no one’s business.

•Of course, Buck delves into the problem like he does anything else, with a full research binge one night, driven by coffee and determination alone. He loves Eddie, but he draws the line of his boyfriend trying to pat his face with bleeding fingers.

•There is a short phase where Buck has Eddie try different lotions and nail polishes that are meant to curb the nail biting by giving off a bad taste. Either it doesn’t taste as bad as advertised or Eddie is just that stubborn and it doesn’t work.

•What does work is Buck, in a fit of exasperation during one shift, where Eddie had already torn the skin of three of his fingers, grabbed Eddie’s hands. The hand holding, while slightly inconvenient at times of work, ended up being the only thing to decrease the nail biting.

•The kitchen is open to anyone in the station, but there is a list of people that are cleared to actually cook on the stove. Bobby, obviously, has free reign over all the appliances, with Hen and Buck being able to make food with limited supervision.

•Eddie and Chimney, on the other hand, are not allowed to use anything other than the coffee pot, tea kettle, or microwave without the supervision and guidance of at least one other person. Bobby, sadly, is usually in charge during those times.

•Most of the team are straight coffee drinkers, cultivated during the long shifts and need for caffeine, but the way they drink it varies. Bobby and Eddie have to drink it with milk, Hen can drink it with only sugar, and Chimney and Buck swear by the mix of creamer and heaps of sugar.

•That said, when it becomes clear that one of them needs another cup of coffee, there is a clear different of which people to leave alone and others that can still chat with you. Bobby, Hen, and Chimney can talk without the drink; Buck and Eddie are zombies until they’re caffeinated again.

•There is a cut-off for when the coffee station is denied to the team. Bobby and Hen have a two-cup limit. Chimney and Eddie range between two to four. Buck, who is arguably the worst offender, can and will, drink more than five to keep going.

•Buck, at a sleep deprived state, is something to experience. Everyone has seen it at one point and it’s probably one of their favorites. See, Buck is much more likely to reveal things when fatigued, which has led to some very enlightening conversations in the bunk rooms.

•In addition to lowered defenses, Buck will hyper fixate on a topic, and that’s it. For however many hours are left in the shift, Buck will research it, and then relay that information to the rest of his friends.

•If the team ever ended up on a game show, they would probably win on the fact that Buck had taught them the information at one point. It does make it easy for Hen and Eddie, though, when it comes to school projects for their kids.

•They have specific bunks when they need to sleep. Bobby doesn’t have a preference of top or bottom bunk, so long as it is by the door, and he has two pillows. Hen needs a bottom bunk and Chimney prefers the top bunk.

•Buck and Eddie, however, can not sleep on opposite sides of the room. Eddie, because he has a tendency to worry about possible intruders, a leftover remnant of his army days. Buck, because he’s gotten use to the sounds Eddie makes, which allow him to sleep.

•After they started dating, it wasn’t uncommon to go to sleep with the two men in separate bunks, and wake up with them in the same one. Buck, often against the wall, and Eddie boxing him in on the other side, towards the door.

•When it comes to driving to a scene, there is a breakdown; Chimney and Hen go in the ambulance, with Bobby driving the fire truck, Eddie and Buck in the cab. It isn’t often that they change it up, so engrained in the routine, that change feels a bit like chancing fate.

•The 118 knows that they have horrible luck. Hell, Chimney often jokes that Buck had a target painted on his back, and that between the five of them there was only one or two brain cells to power them. Luck isn’t something any of them rely on.

•Baking isn’t something that Bobby does normally. No, if you want baked goods, you need to go to either Hen or Buck. Those two have the biggest sweet tooth out of anyone at the station, so it is only reasonable to assume that they both can bake when the mood strikes.

•Hen is the most likely to cave and bake at the station; with two young kids at home, the inevitable sugar rush, and crash, is something to fear. Buck, who always caves to Christopher, tends to bake at home and bring stuff in.

•Eddie, who isn’t one to go above bragging about his boys, will send plenty of pictures or videos of his boys baking. Teasing their friends about the future goodies, Eddie going on and on about how good they were, until Buck cuts him off.

•Bobby can’t leave his team alone to wash the trucks without popping his head in once or twice. Silence isn’t a good thing at the station, it means plotting, and Bobby knows his team too well to think that they wouldn’t be getting into some form of mischief.


	5. Chapter 5

24\. Letter

School field trip days were some of the 118’s favorite days. Having a bunch of kids there, bringing the normally quiet and organized station to life, was always looked forward to. Since the station was located in the downtown area, with multiple different public and private schools nearby, there was usually a dozen school field trips within the year. To keep it fresh and exciting for everyone, the crews rotated out who got to stay back and help out.

It wasn’t a giant production, but the fire fighters and paramedics tried to make it so that each child walked away having learnt something about fire safety, as well a good time.

“Eighteen, nineteen, twenty,” Buck counted off. “We’ve got enough for the class, and if something happens, we’ve got a couple spares in the back.”

“These are pretty cute,” Hen commented as she lifted up one of the red plastic fire fighter hats.

It had the traditional red color, as well as the LA fire logo, complete with a little space in the front where the child’s name could be written in. They tended to give out the hats before the end of the tour, right as they were beginning to let the kids onto one of the trucks to sit in the seats, so that they could let their teachers snap pictures with them wearing their new hat.

“As long as we don’t have a repeat of last time, I think we’ll be good,” Buck said, carefully putting the hats out of the way, while Hen laughed.

The last field trip had been a little over four months ago. Chimney and Eddie had been next in the rotation to organize and lead the program, which would have been practically straightforward given how many times they had done it, if the plastic hats hadn’t been misplaced. It was still heavily contested on who exactly lost the hats, only that Chimney and Eddie were a mess right up until the school got there, narrowly finding the box with limited help from Bobby. Since then, the hats had been carefully sitting in Bobby’s office, the only place that they could all agree on.

“Alright, we have the hats, little folders for the kids, and the demonstration gear,” Buck listed off. “I think we’ve got everything covered.”

“Even if we don’t, it’ll go fine, this isn’t our first time running this.” In fact, Hen and Buck were probably one of the best duos in the station, alongside Finnegan and McDuff.

“Plus, we don’t have to wash the trucks today, added bonus!” Buck reminded her.

Soon, the yellow school bus pulled up, and the second-grade class came rushing out. The first few minutes were always hectic, full of the children being overly excited and loud, and their teacher trying to maintain order. They figured it out in the end, Hen and Buck introducing themselves, and beginning the tour of the fire station. They got to walk by the trucks and ambulances, Hen and Buck carefully explaining what each part did, before moving over to the space beside the fire pole. The questions that came from the kids were always interesting.

Did they have a Dalmatian dog like the movies?

“No,” Hen told the little boy, who frowned. “We’ve been trying to tell our Captain that we’ve needed one for years, but he’s a little stubborn. Buck here acts as our stand-in golden retriever.” That got everyone laughing.

Could they take turns going down the fire pole?

They did, Hen guiding the children from the upper level, Buck on the lower level, all the kids lighting up at the chance to slowly slide back down to the ground. Then they brought out the fire uniform. Buck started to explain to the children what each part was and how it kept them safe. Predictably, each child wanted a chance to try on the gear, so Hen and Buck did what they normally did on the field: divide and conquer. Half the kids went with Buck, the other with Hen, and soon all the second-graders were delighted to get their hands on the turnout coat and helmet. That, of course, started off another round of questions.

Did the jacket really protect them from fires?

“Each suit is made up of flame-resistant material,” Hen explained. “That way, we can do our job safely without worrying about our jacket or pants catching on fire.”

How heavy was everything that they wore?

“About forty-five pounds,” Buck said, which caused a few kids to gasp, and Buck pointed out the other gear laid out on the ground alongside the PPE. “We’re also carrying other equipment, so we might be carrying up to seventy-five pounds.”

They gave the usual fire safety talk, discussing with the children what they could do to prevent fires within the home and school, as well as what to do if there was an actual fire. That, of course, led to the fire demonstration. As Buck set it up, in the pavement section behind the fire house, Hen explained what was about to happen.

“Now, in an emergency, you might see an adult use a fire extinguisher. Has anyone seen one work before?”

“My Uncle did! He set the turkey on fire during Thanksgiving last year!” One little girl said. That got several laughs and even Hen couldn’t stop the smile from spreading over her face.

“Well, I’m glad it was just the turkey that got ruined. Now, fire extinguishers have this white foam inside that helps put out the flames, but you have to be careful about it.” She instructed the kids to remain behind the pre-taped line before walking over to Buck. “Showtime,” She whispered to his delighted grin.

They had pre-approved fire starter material there, and Hen carefully set it alight, waiting until the flames were going and the kids were watching aptly, before giving Buck the signal. With practiced ease, Buck pulled the pin, pressing down on the lever, and directing the hose so that the white foam evenly coated the flames, quickly putting out the fire. The kids went wild, cheering and clapping, which was a sound that never got old.

After that, things started to wind down. They went back inside, pulling out the hats, and carefully writing in each child’s name. Then, it was onto the fire truck, where each kid got a chance to either use the horn or flick on the lights. Their teacher took lots of pictures, explaining as they swapped kids out that those pictures were used as part of the end of the school year collage.

“A little keepsake for them,” She said as she snapped another picture. “The parents love them.”

The children were loading back up onto the school bus when the rest of their team pulled back into the station. They had gotten a call just a few minutes before the kids were due to arrive and it looked like it had been a busy one. Bobby and Eddie were covered in soot, and Chimney waved at them before darting into the locker room, likely wanting to change as soon as possible. After receiving loads of thank you’s and tiny hugs and high fives, the bus pulled away, heading back towards the school. Hen stretched as the bus turned at the corner, disappearing out of sight.

“Well, that went over well,” Hen said as they headed back inside. They could both faintly hear the showers going from the locker room.

“They seemed to have a blast,” Buck was grinning, helping Hen break down one of the pop-up tables. “Think any of them are going to want to be a fire fighter?”

“Maybe, doesn’t every kid want to be one at some point in their life?” When that was done, the pair picked up the rest of the props used, before heading back up to the loft. Hen took care of refilling the coffee pot, clicking the button on, leaving the two of them to watch the water drip down into the clear pot underneath.

“You think it was a bad call?” Buck asked as the minutes ticked by and none of their friends came up the stairs.

“I think they might just be wiped. Didn’t they take the new probie out today?”

Training the new recruits was always an experience; normally, it went smoothly, and Buck reserved any judgement unless things really went sideways. At least this time around, the new probie, a bright-eyed young woman named Claire, was quick to learn and eager to please.

“We’ll give it a few more minutes before going to investigate,” Buck decided. There wasn’t any need for that, as the minute the coffee was done, the rest of their crew came up the stairs.

“I am so done with gas fires,” Eddie complained. His eyes lit up at the hot coffee, jumping at the chance to get a mug, and he practically inhaled half of it before Chimney had finished pouring his. “How’d it go?”

“It was a blast!” Buck was off, then, mouth going a mile a minute as he talked about how much fun the kids had and the humorous questions they asked. Eddie listened with a smile, eyes going soft, and Hen had to look away or risk melting into a puddle of goo. Honestly, at this point the sexual tension between the two was painful, as well as Eddie flashing those puppy dog eyes at Buck’s back the moment the blonde wasn’t looking.

“Well, while you two go to play around and have a fun afternoon,” Chimney grumbled. “We got to put out a gas fire that had spread across three apartments.”

“The tenants were…interesting,” Eddie said.

“That sounds ominous,” Hen cocked an eyebrow.

“A bunch of college kids,” Bobby cut in as he shooed Chimney away from the sink so he could start washing the vegetables for lunch. “At least the whole building didn’t get damaged, but the front half of the building was charred.” They group gets to enjoy a relaxing lunch before the alarm goes off again, all of them thundering down the steps, and jumping into the truck.

“So, who got to do the demonstration?” Eddie asked.

“Do you really have to ask?” Chimney posed. Eddie rolled his eyes as Hen laughed.

“It’s fun!” Buck defended.

“You know,” Chimney wondered. “Maybe we should be worried that our Buckaroo loves those little demonstrations so much.”

“It’s not my fault you had a bad experience with it, Chim.”

“That was one time!”

“You lost control of the fire extinguisher,” Eddie reminded him, all of them smiling at the memory, “And ended up spraying the teacher and half the class by mistake.”

That had been one of the most chaotic scenes that Hen had had to help on, especially on their own turf, Eddie barely able to assist due to suppressing his own laughter. Following that incident, Eddie was now in charge of providing the fire demonstration, Chimney no longer able to look at the fire extinguisher without glaring at it and the rest of them dissolving into giggles.

“You all suck,” Chimney pointed to the three of them. “Completely suck.”

The call ended up being a small fire started from an open charcoal grill. Easy enough to deal with and under an hour they were wrapping up.

“Did you know that Christopher’s school is going to be coming to the station next month?” Eddie said as he and Buck started putting the hose away.

“No way,” Buck commented. “Really? He’s going to have a blast!”

“He’s excited,” Eddie smiled. “Hopefully he’ll get a chance to see you, since it’s Chim and mine’s turn.”

“Yeah, even if he doesn’t, I’m sure he will tell me everything in detail during our next movie night,” Buck said. Likely, Christopher would demand to go back to the station after school was done, insisting on telling Buck as soon as possible.

“As long as we don’t lose the hats again, I think we’ll be okay,” Eddie replied. “He’s been super excited about getting one, he even cleared out a spot on his dresser for it.”

“Well then,” Buck said as he closed the door with a blinding smile. “I guess we’ll have to make sure he gets one.”


	6. Chapter 6

40\. Find

The first couple of hours after getting back from the shelter are calm. Buck had set up the dog beds, bowls, and toys in a little fabric box prior to today, stepping back to allow Argo to sniff around the apartment. She seemed to like it well enough, tail wagging as she scooped out the living room, circled around the kitchen, before going towards the stairs. She paused on the second step, as if she wasn’t sure if she could keep going, until Buck walked over.

“Go ahead,” Buck gently rubbed her ears. It still was weird to have another presence in the apartment after only having his own company for the past few weeks. Argo trotted up the steps, eagerly pouncing on the bed, immediately curling up near the pillows. Buck looked over at the clock; it was almost noon, and while he hadn’t done much, his body felt tired. “Come on, let’s get some lunch then we can relax for the rest of the day.” Argo seemed content to eat her food and then sit patiently by him while he ate his meager lunch. After a few bites, Buck boxed the rest of it away, and Argo whined, trying to block his way to the fridge.

“I’m okay, Argo,” Buck soothed as he shut the door.

His phone had been going off for a while and Buck checked his messages half-heartedly. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to talk to his friends, it was that all that they seemed to want to talk about was him getting out of his apartment. The afternoon progressed slowly after that. It felt different, though, Argo was glued to his side and Buck didn’t feel as if he was a ghost in his own home. After a few episodes on Netflix, Buck figured it was time to take Argo out, and scanned the floor for his shoes.

As he put them on, Argo seemed to understand what was happening, and she began to pace by the door, whining as her tag went a mile a minute. Getting the harness on was a bit of a struggle, but he managed. Picking a random direction, they started to walk. Buck hadn’t actually gotten a chance to explore the area around his apartment; walking long distances on crutches was taxing, and everyone was wary of the potential for falls. Now, with the subtraction of the crutches and bulky cast, movement was easier.

Argo walked beside him, tongue hanging out of her mouth, and ignored other pedestrians in favor of sticking to Buck’s side. They walked down to a nearby park, spending time going down some of the winding trails, before turning back to go home. By this point, the sun was higher in the sky, and Buck could feel sweat pooling at the base of his back. Argo drank deeply from her water bowl and Buck made a note to get a portable one in the future. After that, Buck tapped his fingers on the counter, unsure of what else to do.

They wouldn’t need to go out again until later tonight and it wasn’t time for dinner. At a lost, Buck curled back up, leaving the TV off this time, not even realizing that he had been falling asleep. A wet nose jolted him awake and Argo sat in front of him. In her mouth was one of the rope toys he had grabbed, not sure what preference Argo had if any, and Argo nudged her nose against his hand.

“You want to play?” Buck asked and that was the magic word, as Argo got up and shook the toy in her mouth from side to side.

They played for the better part of an hour; Argo was strong, and she loved tug of war. Soon, she was letting him take it from her, enjoying the act of running around the apartment to fetch it or sometimes playing keep away as both slid on the hard wood. Dinner lasted a little long this time. Argo went to sit by him after she was done, again, and rested her head on the tops of his feet. After a quick shower, one where Argo didn’t appreciate the closed bathroom door, it was time for one more short trip outside.

Argo had plenty of choices on where she could sleep, but she decided that the bed was the perfect option. She started out by the foot of the bed, then crept towards the middle against his side, before stopping at the base of the pillows. It felt nice, having someone else in the bed, and Buck found himself drifting off rather quickly. When morning came around, Buck was diagonal on the bed, Argo sprawled out against his back, paws digging into his shirt.

The was the first time he had managed to sleep through the whole night without an issue. Buck couldn’t remember when the last time he slept that soundly was; not after he was discharged home, and definitely not in the hospital. Even when he was as Eddie’s for that first week, sleep had been an issue, each sound new and unfamiliar to him, causing his body to jolt awake at random points. Sleeping aides might have helped, but they had the potential to leave him stuck in a nightmare.

The next few days passed quickly, much quicker than they did in the past, and Buck found himself realizing that he was actually doing…better. He did a deep clean of his apartment for the first time since he moved in, not noticing that he had been singing along to his music, something that he hadn’t done in weeks. Eating meals was getting better, too; Argo’s habit of blocking the fridge if he didn’t eat enough continued, so he had to finish his plate to placate her.

Going out for walks was another facet that had changed. They went by the park, discovering more hiking trails, and soon fell into a routine. After having nothing but large expanses of time on his hands, Buck was glad for the structure, now counting the passage of time by the daily walks, rather than by observation that his apartment was getting dark as the day passed. Privately, Buck was happier for the other change happened. Having Argo there meant that his apartment, which had been silent for long enough, wasn’t that empty anymore.

Argo made noise, either by playing or whining or tapping her nails against the hardwood to get his attention. She would curl up with him, a warm weight either against his side or sometimes directly on his chest, letting him pet her for hours at a time. Buck had always loved dogs, envious of those that had one as a child, and now Argo was his. For once, Buck had someone that was his, that looked forward to seeing him walk in through the front door. Who was just as happy to receive a belly rub as she was to getting a second treat that day. Buck found himself texting his friends back more.

It wasn’t as though he was avoiding them, per say, but it hurt to see them moving forward while he was stuck. So, he would text back a couple times a day, send a picture here or there, and the number of messages dwindled back down to their normal level.

“She seems like she’s settling in pretty well,” Eddie commented as he sat on the couch. He had come over after his shift, Christopher spending the weekend with Abuela, and didn’t want to go back to an empty apartment just yet. Buck could understand that well enough.

“Yeah,” Buck smiled as Argo tilter her head to give Eddie more room to pet her neck. “She’s been great.” Eddie returned the smile, something in his eyes leaving Buck feel like he was being examined, and nodded.

“You know, you can text more than once a day,” Eddie said it simply, as if Buck had to be reminded of a simple fact, and Buck shrugged.

“You’re working.”

“We take breaks. And all of us want to hear from you, Buck, the station feels weird being so quiet.” Buck wondered what that was like, having to only deal with the quiet at the station, unlike himself who had to deal with it all the time.

“I’ll try to text more,” Buck didn’t promise outright, aiming only to try more in the future. Eddie frowned, eyes scanning for something, and he must have found it because his face softened.

“How have you been?”

“Fine,” Buck said, puzzled by the turn in conversation. “I told you when you got here, remember?”

“I meant how have you really been, Buck.”

“I’ve been fine, Eddie, just sore from the physical therapy.”

The sessions had been getting harder, and the pain was becoming more familiar, which made some of his days slide back to before. Back to when all Buck could manage was to curl up and try to find a position that didn’t hurt more. When he had to decided how to spend his energy; did he brave the stairs to go down to the kitchen or attempt standing long enough to shower?

“And the sleeping issue? Hen mentioned something about insomnia,” Eddie pressed.

“It’s better,” Buck relaxed as Argo came over, hands immediately going to the backs of her ears, the soft fur calming. “I think Argo’s helped with that aspect.”

Argo wasn’t a trained service dog, but she acted like one at times. She stayed close when Buck was anxious, or when Buck jolted out of a nightmare, or the one time when the garbage truck outside sounded too similar to another city owned vehicle and he spent the afternoon trembling.

“Did Chimney ever tell you about how he got the idea?” Eddie asked. Buck shook his head. Chimney had been insistent that he had gone to the shelter, more than anyone else. “He was worried about you when the rest of us couldn’t check in,” Eddie cracked his hand as he talked. “I know you might not think that you’re getting better fast enough, no, Buck, I know you. I know you want to be back in the field with us more than anything. But you haven’t seen the improvements we have.”

Buck looked away, not sure how to respond, especially when it felt like he didn’t know any of those improvements Eddie was mentioning.

“You’re leaving the apartment more often. Before, if we managed to get you to stay out longer than a couple of hours it was a win,” Eddie listed off. “You’re eating more, sleeping better, and…” Eddie stopped, biting his lip as he considered his next words. “It feels like we’re getting you back.” Buck fidgeted, dropping his eyes back down to Argo, and shrugged.

“I haven’t gone anywhere, Eddie,” Buck said at a loss.

“Not physically. It just felt like you had shut down,” Eddie knocked his foot against Buck’s waiting until he looked up. “I’m glad you’re feeling better because I’ve missed my best friend.” This was getting way too close to a sappy, emotional conversation and Buck was not equipped to deal with it.

“Thought you just missed the noise I made.”

“That, too, but mostly you,” Eddie fired off. “Chimney asked Maddie if you were a pet person.” Eddie brought the conversation back to what they had originally been talking about. “He made a list, went full research mode, you would have been proud of him.” He took a breath. “I know that you aren’t ready to talk about it yet, and I’m sure other stuff is going on, but Argo is helping. She’s getting you out of the house, and keeping you company, and maybe she’s even helping you more than us.” Buck frowned and shook his head.

“You guys help,” Buck defended.

“Not as much as we want to or can,” Eddie clarified. “I’m glad that Argo is working out so well, Buck, because I honestly don’t know what would have happened if it didn’t.” Buck wasn’t sure how to respond to that.

“I haven’t walked her yet this evening,” Buck offered. “If you want, you can tag along?” Eddie lit up at that and that was a good enough answer. Yeah, having Argo around was probably the best thing to happen to him in the last few weeks.


	7. Chapter 7

68\. Debt

There was something horrible to be said about waiting on the other side of those hospital doors. Bobby had refused to move from his spot in the waiting room, perched on the chair just a few feet away from those double doors, and right next to the main counter. He couldn’t bring himself to move, not to pace or get changed or answer his phone that had been going off for the last hour. If he focused hard enough, Bobby could still feel the lingering impression of Buck’s hand in his.

It was supposed to be him on that truck. It should have been him pinned down, not Buck, not him who was probably going to lose his leg. There was no way that Buck would come out of this without some sort of lasting trauma, physical or otherwise. The younger man hadn’t been coherent during the ambulance ride, and then he’d gone limp, and then the ER staff had taken him away. It took Hen’s full effort to get Eddie to let go. That had been close to four hours ago. Chimney had gone to update Maddie at one point; Eddie had stepped out to inform Carla, maybe telling her to keep Christopher away from the news, while Bobby sat silently, numb.

“You know, when someone calls you, it’s impolite to not call back.” Athena’s voice had him lifting his head. She took the empty seat next to him. “I got a bag of clothes for you to change into. When you do that, we are going on a coffee run.”

“No,” Bobby couldn’t leave, not when there might be news, and Athena softened her expression.

“Bobby, you know we won’t hear anything yet. Besides, you and Maddie are his emergency contacts, they’ll inform you of any new information.” Bobby swallowed and looked down, seeing his usual work bag, which meant that someone had either gone back to the fire station to get it, or someone else had dropped it off.

“We’re going to lose him,” Bobby said.

There had been so much blood, it practically coated the pavement, and each time Bobby drifted back to check on Buck, see if Hen or Eddie needed additional help, there had been more of it. A sick puddle that displayed something horrible happening.

“Don’t you start that,” Athena shut down. “Buck is going to be fine, you hear me?”

“You didn’t hear him,” Bobby would never get those cries out of his head.

Buck had been hurt before, he’d gotten scraped up, gotten a concussion once, in addition to a minor finger fracture. This, whatever damage was going to come out of this would be the worst Buck would have to endure yet. That is, if he made it through. Buck had already lost so much blood; he hadn’t been able to track their conversations in the ambulance, and his vitals had started to dangerously decline as they sped towards the hospital.

“Here is what I do know,” Athena rested her hand on his. “You trained that boy well. He is going to pull through because he had two of the best medics I’ve seen working on him. You want to help him?” Bobby nodded. “Then you need to take care of yourself right now. Have you taken a look at how you’re fairing yet?”

Of course not. Bobby barely had the cognitive capacity to walk the dozen steps back to the chairs after Buck was taken back. Now that he was looking, the sight made his stomach drop. His uniform might have been black, but in parts of the fabric, it was crusted over. Dull red, dried blood his brain supplied after a moment, colored his hands. If his paid enough attention, Bobby was sure he could still feel some tiny rocks embedded into his knees, from when he had been kneeling on the ground.

“There was so much of it,” Bobby stared down at his hands. “Hen couldn’t get it to stop.”

“Hen managed to stabilize him long enough to get him here,” Athena told him. “Look, I told the crew that we would be taking the night shift, and I think you’ll want to be comfortable while we wait. So, go change, and we’ll get started on what comes next.”

Bobby stood up, shakily took his bag, and walked over to the bathroom in a fog. Changing out of his clothes felt like the hardest thing he had done yet, kicking them off to the side, before grabbing the paper towels on the wall. He spent a good amount of time just scrubbing his skin where the gloves didn’t cover him and had seeped down from his clothes. When that was done, Bobby slipped on the par of jeans and long-sleeved shirt, shoving his feet into the sneakers at the bottom of the bag. There was a plastic bag on the side pouch and he crammed him work clothes into it.

He’d probably get rid of the uniform anyway, sure that he would be able to see the blood stains, regardless of how many times he washed it. Athena was waiting outside for him and she took the bag before linking their hands. Whatever was going on between them was still new, but her support right now felt wonderful, and Bobby couldn’t help but lean on her.

“Anything?”

“No, Chimney and Maddie are going to come wait with us. Eddie and Hen want updates as they get them.”

Eddie must have been climbing the walls. This was too soon after Shannon, just another misery for the team, another waiting game to go through. Either Athena had texted Chimney about his anxiety and fear of leaving the area, or Chimney had a similar idea, and the man found them and started passing out beverages.

“I got all of us coffee, plenty of cream and sugar, as well as some various leftover goodies from the coffee shop,” Chimney pressed a blueberry bagel into Bobby’s hands. “You will eat that."

“I’m not hungry,” Bobby tried to say before Chimney shot him a glare.

“Bobby, eat the damn bagel,” Chimney stared him down until Bobby lifted it up to his mouth, took a bite, chewed, then swallowed. Maddie was silent as she sat with them. Occasionally, she rubbed her eyes, which were bloodshot, but she didn’t cry. Maybe she had exhausted her tears.

“I’m sorry,” Bobby told her. Maddie looked over, frowning, before asking, “Sorry about what?”

“I was supposed to be on the truck, not Buck, it was supposed to be me.”

“Bobby,” Chimney chided gently.

“You think I’m blaming you for this?” Maddie looked incredulous now, eyes wide, and Bobby couldn’t help but think anything other than yes.

If Buck died, Maddie would lose her brother, possibly the only family she had left.

“Bobby, there were others on that truck. Any of them could have gotten hurt. Evan just happened to be the one that got…pinned.” Maddie closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, as Chimney rubbed her back. Once Maddie had composed herself and reached over and took one of Bobby’s hands. “You did nothing wrong. Okay? I don’t blame you for what happened,” Maddie paused. “Evan is going to be alright. I know you’ve never seen him hurt this bad, but he’s tough, and he is going to pull through.”

“You saw the news then?” Bobby asked. Maddie nodded.

“Yeah, Josh tried to tell me not to watch it, but I had to. I couldn’t sit there not knowing what was going on.”

“No one blames anyone here,” Athena jumped in. “So, we are going to sit here, wait until we hear some news, and not overstress ourselves.” That was wishful thinking talking and Bobby rolled his eyes.

“Bobby, look at me,” Chimney ordered. “Buck is going to pull through. And when he does, the rest of us can’t be a bunch of hot messes, none of that will help him. It’ll stress him out more and he’ll want to help instead of focusing on himself.”

“What if he’s angry?”

“At you?” Chimney sighed and rubbed his face. “Bobby, I can guarantee that Buck isn’t mad at you for what happened.”

“Wouldn’t you be? Aren’t you mad?” Bobby wasn’t crying but he was dangerously close to it. “That kid was mad at me, not anyone else Chim, me. And now Buck could be facing losing his leg or he could die or-“

“Did you plant the bomb?” Maddie cut it. Bobby snapped his mouth closed. “Did you?” She pressed.

“No.”

“Did you know that any of this was going to happen?”

“No.”

“What happened was horrible, yes, and none of it should have happened. But Evan will not be angry with you, Bobby.”

The four of them waited in silence after that, Bobby refusing to break down, focusing on the passage of the clock and the various medical personal that walked by. Occasionally, one of them would get up to pace, before quickly returning to their seats, as if the energy spent on walking was too much.

“Is there anyone else we should contact?” Chimney eventually asked.

“I messaged Ali a while ago,” Maddie said. “She said she’ll try to come by sometime tomorrow if they’re letting people in.”

“Parents?” Athena asked. Maddie shook her head.

“No, there’s no need to call them. They wouldn’t answer anyway.”

Nearly seven hours after they got to the hospital, they got news. Currently, Buck was coming out of surgery, one done to stabilize the bleeding and his leg, but would be staying in ICU was closer monitoring due to the severity of the injuries and blood loss. At the moment, the surgeons weren’t positive if the leg could be salvaged, either with time or additional surgeries. Maddie didn’t linger on those words, insisting that she wanted to see her brother, only to be told that he was still in recovery and once he was settled in ICU, they would allow one or two people in.

“I’m going to let Hen and Eddie know,” Chimney said, shoulders not as tense after getting some information. “I’ll call them from the car. I’ve got to get going if I want to make my shift.” Right, because while Bobby wasn’t on the roster, Chimney was.

“Go, we’ll be alright,” Maddie kissed him goodbye as Chimney clasped Bobby’s shoulder and hugged Athena.

“Come on, we need something better than cold coffee,” Athena started to usher their little group towards the cafeteria. Bobby didn’t put up a fight, eating the food on his plate, mind circulating over the news that Buck was still alive and largely intact.

“Bobby and I will be alright,” Maddie said, cutting Bobby out of his thought bubble.

“I know that, Maddie, I just don’t want either of you burning yourself out,” Athena focused her gaze on Bobby. “Maddie was thinking that you two should be the first ones in there.”

“They’ll let me in because we’re related,” Maddie explained. “You’re also listed as an emergency contact. They won’t be letting the others in for the next few days.”

“He won’t be awake yet,” Bobby warned.

“And you can’t be there if he isn’t awake?” Athena challenged.

“I don’t want to stress him out,” Bobby clarified. Maddie said that Buck wouldn’t blame him, only, Bobby couldn’t completely believe it.

“How about this,” Athena offered. “You go home, take a proper shower and get some rest. Then you come back and see Buck.”

“I can sit with him until you’re ready,” Maddie soothed.

“I want to see him, I do,” Bobby couldn’t voice the fears that were bouncing around in his head.

“No one here doubts that,” Maddie said. “Go home, get some rest that isn’t in a hospital chair, and then come back. Who knows, Buck might be awake already and ready to tell you that it wasn’t your fault, either.”

Bobby let out a weak chuckle; knowing his youngest fire fighter, that would probably be the case.

“If anything changes, let me know?” Athena drove him home, after making him swear to actually sleep and shower, before leaving for work. Bobby showered, but as he hit his pillow, sleep didn’t come. Buck would be alright and if he was angry at Bobby, he would deal with it, one step at a time.


	8. Chapter 8

31\. Steep

Chimney feels the conversation looming over them for days. Since seeing Maddie briefly after she had been admitted to the hospital, he’s only seen her once more before he was being discharged. There’s a lot more to the situation, Chim knows that, the most obvious parts being that he’d been discovered by Buck, and the rest of the friends had collectively lost their shit. Which left Chimney in a bit of a weird spot.

He wanted to talk about it, to figure out all the ins-and-outs, because while Chimney was relieved that Maddie was safe now, there was a large portion of guilt that was floating around inside him. He had befriended Doug. Had talked to him for weeks. Chimney had talked about Maddie countless times, as well as the rest of their friends. Obviously, Maddie had been the target, but what would have stopped Doug from going after any of their other friends? Chimney had gotten stabbed. Maddie had gotten stabbed and kidnapped.

Which left their friend group scrambling for information; learning that Buck had gone rouge wasn’t shocking. Athena had gone with him to find Maddie, which was another situation that they would have to deal with at some point, all the while he was stuck in the hospital. Those hours spent laying in that bed, wondering what was happening, fearing that Maddie was dead somewhere. It had been a couple of days since he had been discharged from the hospital and Chimney was going stir crazy.

He had attempted to call Maddie since coming home, all of which went unanswered, until he learned from Hen that Maddie was staying with Buck and was doing alright. Of course, he’d messaged Buck, who was quick to tell Chimney that Maddie was doing as well as she could. There was nothing about them talking, or see one another, or even if they were still together. At the end of the day, Chimney wanted Maddie at his side. He loved her, wanted to continue being able to show that he loved her, and was now wondering if all of that was done.

That Maddie had decided that anything regarding dating or romance or relationships wasn’t worth it. Chimney wanted to see Maddie, with his physical eyes, and reassure himself that she was whole and breathing. Instead, all he got was text messages. On the fourth day of being home, Chimney moping on the couch with some random sitcom playing in the background, there was a knock on the door. Chimney frowned, not expecting company, and any of the would-be visitors would be working.

Still, Chimney slowly inched towards the door, one hand on his phone the other in grabbing distance of the baseball bat closest to the wall. He needed to get a home security system at some point. Maddie was on the other side of the door. She looked…rough. The normal shine in her hair was missing, leaving the strands in a slightly frazzled state that fell around her face. She was still pale, arms wrapped tightly around her torso, and she gave him a weak smile.

“Hey,” She finally said.

“Hey,” Chimney replies back after a moment. “Um, do you want to come in?” While his block is pretty boring, he doesn’t want to have this conversation out in the open.

“Yeah,” Maddie turned around, waving her hand, and Chimney finally noticed Buck’s Jeep at the end of the driveway. Buck, who retuned the wave, was clearly tense.

“You can head inside, I’ll be there in a second,” Chimney moved off to the side so Maddie could walk by him before heading down the driveway. Buck’s window was rolled down and the other man didn’t look any better than the rest of them. “Thanks for driving her.”

“She wanted to see you,” Buck answered.

“Still,” Chimney is trying not to be awkward, but it’s hard, since nothing like this has ever happened.

“Look, she wanted to come see you and I think it’s a good idea. Maddie’s been talking in circles about it since the hospital. So, go talk to each other,” Buck’s words are gentle but his grip on the steering wheel is anything but that.

Chimney knows that Buck hadn’t told him much about what happened out in the woods, about Maddie’s state when he found her, and he likely wouldn’t. Because, while Chimney loved Maddie, he knew that Buck and Maddie had a close relationship, too. Maddie had run across the country to find Buck and Buck was completely ready to do whatever was necessary to bring his sister home.

“If she wants to leave, I’ll call you,” Chimney shuffles his feet on the pavement. “How has she been, really? In case she doesn’t tell me honestly.”

“It’s been bad,” Buck sighed. “I’m glad the son of a bitch is dead.”

“I know I said it last time, but I’ll keep her safe,” Chimney would, he’d figure out a way. Buck frowned and twisted in the seat to fix Chimney with a look.

“I know that, Chim, just go talk to her, alright? This is me telling you to do the mature thing and talk to her.” That got a weak laugh from him and finally got him heading back into the house.

Maddie was curled up on the couch, eyes vacantly watching the screen, and Chimney softly called out her name. Maddie jolts, eyes frantically scanning the room before landing on Chimney, who doesn’t move closer even though that’s all he wants. After waiting days, Maddie is in front of him, and Chimney won’t get closer until Maddie tells him it’s okay. Chimney has seen victims of domestic abuse. In the field, you don’t get away from that kind of stuff, and those were come of the hardest calls the team had to deal with. Maddie rubbed her face before uncurling a bit.

“Hey,” She wrung her hands. “I probably should have called ahead to ask if it was okay to come over.”

“I don’t mind, it’s nice to have some company,” Chimney made his way over to the couch. He sat down on the other end, keeping space between them, not willing to be the first one to close the distance. “You can stay as long as you want.”

“I should have talked to you before this,” Maddie looks uncomfortable and it breaks Chimney’s heart. Prior to all of this, Maddie had loved Chimney’s apartment. Adored being in Chim’s space. Now, the inches between them on the couch felt more like whole galaxies.

“No one, even me, expected you to start talking to everyone. You needed space and time to process,” Chimney reminded her. “I’m not mad, Maddie, I’m glad you’re over now.” Maddie looked away and Chimney tried not to squirm in the silence of the room. That never used to be an issue.

“Doug told me that he killed you and left your body out for everyone to see. That it was my fault for ending up with another guy after everything he had done for me,” Maddie talked about it in a tone that felt as if she had done so already. Or, maybe rehearsed it in her own head. “Howie, I thought you were dead for hours and that it was my fault. I didn’t believe Evan when he told me that you were alive until we were pulling into the hospital and I could see you.”

“I wanted to go out looking for you,” Chimney didn’t care that he’d been stabbed. That standing up left him breathless or that taking a few steps was hard. “Bobby talked me down, sent Athena and Buck instead, so I knew that whatever happened you’d be safe.”

“I killed him,” Maddie said. Her eyes were open, staring at Chimney, but she wasn’t entirely there. “Doug, he was going to kill me, and I just snapped. I’d never done that before, fought back against him, and the one time I do, I kill him.”

“It was self-defense,” Chimney blurts out. He doesn’t even have to think about it. Maddie is in front of him because she fought back and lived. The world needs Maddie in it and Doug made the world a little better for leaving it.

“Everyone says that,” Maddie looks away. “I understand if you want to end things.” Chimney frowned.

“You told me at the hospital that we would be okay,” He said slowly. “Did something happen to change your mind?”

“Howie, I killed someone. I haven’t slept a whole night since everything and I almost decked Evan the other night because I had such a bad nightmare,” Maddie went back to wringing her hands and Chimney placed his hand on the empty space between them, hoping that Maddie would reach out and take it. “I’m not the person you dated anymore. I don’t know who I am anymore.”

Chimney turned his hand, palm up, and leaned forward a bit.

“I know that you killed him. Honestly, I’m glad you did, because it meant that you came home to us. I will never tell you that it was the wrong choice,” Chimney inched forward and felt lighter when Maddie turned to face him fully. “And if you aren’t the same person than that’s okay. I loved you before all of this and I still love you now.”

“I’m a hot mess right now, Howie,” Maddie laughed darkly.

“Well, then I guess we make a good pair,” Chimney threw in.

“I still want you,” Maddie choked out after a moment. “I just need space and time, but I still want you.”

“I want you in my life. Whether that means that we are friends or we’re dating or we’re on a break, then okay,” Chimney said. “I want you to feel safe and not throwing yourself into something because you think it’s expected of you.”

“Then you would be okay with waiting? With the possibly that we might not be together anymore?”

“Yes,” Chimney wasn’t begging. No, but he wouldn’t let Maddie leave without expressing how fully he still loved Maddie and how much he wanted to keep her in his life. “I want to get through this and if that takes a few months or a few years, then so be it. You’re important to me, Maddie Buckley. You were before all of this and you still are now.” Maddie nodded silently as she started crying. Chimney couldn’t wait anymore. “You can say no, if it’s too much, but can I hug you? Please?”

Chimney barely has enough time to brace himself before Maddie is practically sitting on his lap. They cling to one another and soon both of them are crying. They don’t kiss; Chimney is too afraid to cross the line and Maddie is clearly not ready for more intimacy. Time passes and before long the apartment is darker, a sign of the hours that have flown by them, and Chimney shifts them slightly on the couch cushions.

“I don’t know about you, but I am starving,” Chimney said as his stomach growled. Maddie laughed.

“I would be down for getting something to eat.”

“I can order us something?” Chimney doesn’t want to put up a front in a public setting.

“That sounds good,” Maddie sat up and glanced at her phone. “I’m going to let Evan know I’m staying longer. He’s got a shift later and I don’t want him worrying while he works.”

“Go ahead,” Chimney clicks on the food ordering app. “Any preferences?”

“Let’s get sushi,” Maddie said as she texted. They got their usual orders and curled up on the couch once more. Chimney leaned his head down on top of Maddie’s.

“You don’t have to say it back,” Chimney savored the feeling of Maddie against his side. “I love you and I am so glad that you’re safe now.” Maddie pressed closer to him and tucked her face under his chin.

“I’m glad you’re safe, too. And, I do love you. No matter what happens after this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is doing well! Also, the next chapter for Should I falter is coming, I ended up reworking it because I didn't like how it came out.


	9. Chapter 9

36\. Liberty

Eddie did not do well with fireworks.

On the job, loud noises didn’t phase him; he could block them out, focus on the task at hand, and then he could decompress at home. Only, now he had two different things in his life when Eddie felt the need to hide. One, Christopher was older now and had a basic working sense that yes, Eddie had been in the military, and sometimes he got jumpy and needed extra space. The second was that now he had a partner that didn’t try to pelt him with questions, instead wanting to help in any way that Eddie would let him.

The last call had been rough, to say the least, and Eddie was relieved when the truck pulled back into the station. Their shift was meant to end over an hour ago, but the call had taken longer than expected, and Eddie barely had enough energy to walk to the locker room and grab his belongings.

“I’m thinking that we shower when we get home,” Buck suggested as they started getting changed. Eddie glanced between Buck and the showers, which were already half filled, before nodding. Eddie’s skin felt like it was crawling and being in the building had him feeling on edge. They said their goodbyes and headed over to Eddie’s truck. Buck stopped him before he could get into the driver’s seat. “Why don’t I drive?”

“I can drive,” Eddie argued feebly. Buck waited patiently, hand opened and turned up, and Eddie couldn’t maintain the gaze. “Thanks.” Buck gave him a soft smile and climbed in.

The drive home was familiar and Eddie found himself spacing out as they rode along the highway. Buck didn’t chatter like he normally did, sensing that Eddie needed the quiet, leaving his right hand free on the console so that Eddie could take it if he wanted. He did and Buck’s thumb rubbed along his knuckles. Christopher was gone for the night; Abuela was enjoying a night with her grandson and they would pick him up in the morning. The house was dark when they walked in and any tension that Eddie had lost came flooding back.

The dark could hold anything and Eddie stepped in front of Buck, blocking him from going any farther than the entranceway, eyes scanning the living room and limited view of the kitchen. Buck didn’t move, waiting Eddie out, before Eddie slumped.

“Do you want to go through the apartment?” Buck asked. Eddie nodded and Buck let his hand go, stepping back to lean against the front door, while Eddie walked further into the house. Eddie checked everything, each room and closet, turning on lights as he went. With that done, he doubled back to the front door, where Buck was standing with a whole lot of concern in his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie curled in, knowing Buck would let him. “I’m just feeling on edge.”

“That call hit a little closer to home than you admitted earlier, huh?” Buck had been there, had seen the way his hands shook in the truck when it was over, how Eddie flinched at any loud noises. In the aftermath of the out of control fireworks display, Eddie was wound up and needed to calm down. “How can I help?”

Eddie tried to think before shrugging. He wanted his boys safe, that unending thought, always at the forefront of his mind.

“Can we get changed?” Eddie might not have the energy to shower, but his clothes were gross, and he could still smell the smoke from the scene.

“Alright, off to the bedroom we go,” Buck was leading the way, Eddie clinging to him in a way that should have been awkward, but no. Buck had done this for him before and Eddie left the thinking to him. Eddie sat down on the side of the bed, watching as Buck grabbed them clean clothes, before pausing as he held the fabric in his hands. “How do you feel about a shower?”

“Like I might fall asleep during it,” Eddie answered honestly. Buck nodded and held out a hand, which Eddie took, and followed Buck into the bathroom.

“A quick one, then. Getting under the sheet will feel better with clean skin,” Buck swiped two towels from the cabinet and then started the water. Eddie’s eyes burned and he tried to regain some sense of self-control. Buck, of course, saw right through it. “Is this too much?”

Buck never blamed him for wanting space. Eddie had spoken briefly on what he had done and see in Afghanistan; Buck had never demanded more details, or told Eddie he deserved to know, or anything else.

“No,” Eddie shut his eyes. “I just feel anxious and it won’t go away.”

“Alright,” Buck cupped his hips as the bathroom got warmer. “How about we take it one step at a time. Starting with getting out of these dirty clothes and into the shower.”

Buck got Eddie undressed first, then himself, and normally they’d let their touches linger. There was nothing sexual about this, not at the current moment, and Buck was firmly planted in caregiver role. The water was perfect when Eddie stepped under the spray. He tipped his head back, allowing Buck to work in the shampoo, then conditioner, before rubbing the soap over his skin. Eddie felt better standing against Buck, eyes closing as Buck washed himself, before being hustled out. After getting dried off, clean clothes slipped on, and teeth brushed, Buck led him out of the bathroom.

Eddie paused, anxiety rising again, and Buck pressed a kiss to the back of his hand.

“Do you want to lay down?”

“The lights are still on,” Eddie deflected.

“We can turn them off,” Buck said. “Want to do it together or should I wait here?”

Eddie knew that the apartment was safe, had checked it himself, but the idea of leaving Buck behind was too much right now. So, they walk back through the apartment, shutting the lights off as they go, ending back up in the bedroom. It’s too late to call Christopher, bordering on 1am, and Eddie burrows under the covers as Buck plugs in their phones to charge. Buck gets in on the other side, Eddie scooting close to him, and Buck wrapped himself around Eddie’s waist. For a while, Eddie tried to sleep, with no success. His brain was running a mile a minute and his body was still tense.

“I can hear you thinking,” Buck said in the quietness of the bedroom. Eddie traced random shapes on Buck’s chest.

“One of the people of the scene,” Eddie started. “They set off a fire cracker by accident. It went off near me and for a second I forgot where I was.” Flashbacks and dissociation episodes didn’t happen often; in fact, his last incident was almost ten months ago. That was also the final push Eddie needed to go to therapy on a more consistent basis.

“I’m sorry that happened. That’s why Bobby pulled you aside, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah.” Bobby hadn’t let him go, keeping him off to the side against the fire truck as he got his bearings. By the time he was able to jump back in to help, three out of the seven people involved had already been checked and cleared. Buck had been keeping an eye on him the whole time. “I just hate how that’s the one thing that sends me spiraling.” Eddie grumbled.

“Eds, fireworks aren’t something to be ashamed of,” Buck began.

“It is when I need fucking headphones for any possible fireworks at any event. I get all twitchy and hypervigilant and won’t let you or Christopher out of my sight!” Eddie sat up, breathing hard, and Buck carefully did the same, flicking on the table light. “I don’t want this thing to continue to set me back.”

“You aren’t getting set back,” Buck tried again. “A few months ago, you might have responded badly, yes, but you’re stronger now.”

“Doesn’t feel like it,” Eddie complained. “How long have you been feeling about this?” Buck had a radar for when the people he loved talked down on themselves.

“Only today,” Eddie was hoping that Buck heard the honest tone in his voice. That he wouldn’t lie about this. That he didn’t want Buck to doubt that he was trying to deflect or sidestep any process he’d made in therapy. “The call just got to me and then I got stuck in a loop.” It happened from time to time. One event that started it all, triggering the anxiety and hypervigilance, leading to nightmares, with the possibility of flashbacks or dissociation episodes.

“That’s why you didn’t want to waste any more time at the station,” Buck pieced it together.

“There was too much open space,” Eddie mumbled. Too many open floors, with glass windows and walls, too many chances for stuff to happen.

“Do you feel safe now?”

“You make me feel safe,” Eddie leaned into Buck now, hooking a leg over his lap, so that he was seated face to face with his boyfriend. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away. I just wanted to get out,” Eddie apologized and Buck moved his hands up and down his back.

“I’m not mad. I just want to make sure you’re okay,” Buck wouldn’t hold it against him. Wouldn’t insist that this was a reason to point out the other failings in his past.

Eddie tucked his head against Buck’s shoulder, one hand fisting Buck’s shirt, the other going to play with the little curls forming at the back of his head. It was poor timing, as Eddie shifted, and pressed several kisses against Buck’s neck.

“What are you up to?” Buck asked as Eddie ramped up, tilting his head to give more access, and Eddie grinned.

“I think you can figure it out.” Buck let him continue for a few more minutes, kissing Eddie here and there, until Eddie pulled back. “Something wrong?”

“A little while ago, you were anxious about getting into the shower and going to sleep,” Buck pecked his nose when Eddie furrowed his eyebrows. “Now you want to have sex?”

“Yes,” Eddie slipped his hands under Buck’s shirt, tickling him at the last minute, Buck’s laugh breaking the tense atmosphere.

“How about we go for it in the morning?” Buck suggested. Eddie pouted and Buck rested his forehead against Eddie’s.

“Sex is good.”

“Yes,” Buck cracked an eye open. “However, you’ve had a rough couple of hours and are still pretty tense. I don’t want to risk making it worse.”

“It might make me feel better,” Eddie tried, one finally time, before Buck shook his head.

“No, I’m not willing to risk you feeling worse. Tomorrow, if you are feeling better and want to, then sure.”

Eddie might have argued more if he knew that Buck was just teasing him. Not on this front. Not when it regarded his mental health or sexual advances. Buck, who had gotten himself into some bad situations before and refused to let Eddie experience that as well. Eddie pressed Buck back down, clicking off the light, and let Buck roll them to the side. Eddie was the little spoon, facing his chest, feeling safe as Buck’s arms wrapped around him, almost like it was protecting him from the world.

“You make things suck less,” Eddie whispered. Buck was almost asleep at this point, and might not have heard him, not that it derailed Eddie. He was used to whispering things to Buck in the middle of the night, things that he wasn’t quite ready to admit. “I love you.” That admission was easy, he’d been saying it for weeks, and it never lost that special feel.

“I love you, too,” Buck muttered. “Now, sleep.” Eddie chuckled, body finally relaxing, and let his eyes close.


	10. Chapter 10

39\. Weapon

It came out of no-where.

One second Buck had turned to answer a question posed by the patient he was helping over to the ambulance, not realizing that the rushed footsteps were getting closer to him, and the next his head felt as if it was going to implode. By the time he came back to his senses, Buck was on the ground, one hand cupping the back of his head, and Bobby crouched in front of him.

“Ow,” Buck mumbled. Buck pulled his hand away and looked down, seeing the blood on his fingers, not registering that bleeding was bad. Especially if it was coming from his own head. Buck looked around, trying to understand what happened, jumping when Bobby tapped his cheek.

“Buck, look at me,” Bobby’s face changed and suddenly he was moving, going to Buck’s side, and then fingers were pushing his hair aside to look at the back of his head.

“The lady, where is she?” Buck knew he had been walking her over to get checked out, where had she gone?

“Hen’s got her,” Bobby answered easily and then he was back to placing himself back in front of him. “Let’s get you up, you’re bleeding.”

The walk over to the ambulance, where Chimney’s expression was thunderous, and Buck wondered what had occurred to cause it.

“Any clue why the guy decided to go off like that?” Chimney asked as Buck sat down.

“He was drunk and thought his girlfriend was leaving him,” Bobby said. Buck opened his mouth, to ask a question, only to shut both his eyes and mouth as a bright light crossed his line of vision.

“Slowed pupillary response. Possible concussion,” Chimney’s voice faded for a moment and then there was pressure on the back of the head. “The bleeding is slowing down but this is going to need stitches.”

Buck frowned, opening his eyes, which was a bad idea. The world spun dangerously and Buck felt himself leaning sideways. Bobby must have grabbed him, because he didn’t fall, only refocusing when there was a pair of hands on his face.

“There we go,” Eddie’s face was hard set, eyes calculating, and Buck groaned as the pain increased.

“Think I busted my head,” Buck said. Eddie displayed a rueful grin.

“Yeah, you got yourself a nice concussion and a pretty decent cut to your noggin.”

“The lady?”

“Who?” Eddie asked and Buck paused, trying to remember her name, before Bobby answered for him.

“Buck was helping the girlfriend over to get checked out. She’s with Hen, Buck, you did good,” Bobby stepped back. “I’m going to go make sure it’s good for us to get him transported.”

“Don’t need to go to the hospital,” Buck hated the hospital. He had spent more than enough time there, enough to know the nurses by name, and Chimney snorted from somewhere behind him.

“Alright, so you can recall when Bobby was trying to talk to you earlier?” Chimney asked. Buck tried to think back, to figure out what had been said, only to come up blank.

“Um, no?”

“Then there you go. We are getting you checked out,” Eddie said. Buck wasn’t happy about it, not that anyone asked him, but he did get some ice for the back of his head.

“What’d I get hit with?” Buck asked. He was laying down now, which was weird since he didn’t remember that, and Chimney held his shoulder to keep him still.

“There was a piece of concrete by the side of the road. How’s the ringing?”

“Ringing?”

“You told me that your ears where ringing,” Chimney pulled out a pocket flashlight and checked his eyes again. “This might not be a grade one, might be a two.” Chimney said to himself. Buck turned his head slightly, dislodging the ice, which Chimney adjusted. “Hey, eyes open, Buckaroo. You know the rules.”

“The rules are dumb,” Buck pressed the ice down harder.

“Those dumb rules are meant to keep you with a functioning brain. Which is debatable at best,” Chimney teased. “Eddie is going to meet us at the hospital and wait with you. At least the timing lined up.”

“Did it stop?” Buck tried to look at his hand, not seeing the blood on it anymore, and he couldn’t remember if he washed his hands or someone else did.

“Did what stop?”

“There’s no blood,” Buck frowned at his hand.

“I wiped down your hand. The bleeding is slowing down. Good thing you aren’t on those blood thinners anymore, huh?” Chimney stood up as the ambulance stopped. Buck got signed in, waiting in the bay area, before being taken back. Buck had been set up with an IV, after several tries, and then he was left to wait. He must have lost track of time again when Eddie showed up.

“Hey,” Eddie leaned down and kissed his forehead. “How are you feeling?”

“Like crap,” Buck whined. The headache had gotten worse, and he was uncomfortable, still dressed in his navy blues, turnout gear taken off him sometime in the ambulance.

“Have they taken you back for any tests?”

“Huh?”

“Have you gone for a CT scan yet?” Eddie asked again, patient, and Buck shrugged. “That piece of rock really got you good.”

Buck wasn’t even sure what had hit him; it just hurt and Buck was sick of that familiar feeling of pain. Eventually, he got that scan. There were more pain meds, which helped push down the pain to a level where he could ignore it for the most part. The doctor came in to talk to them, Buck sitting up on the edge of the bed, Eddie letting him prop himself up against his chest.

“Your paramedic was right, it’s a grade two concussion,” The doctor said.

“He’s familiar with them, it’s been over a year since his last one.”

“Is he going home alone or is there someone he can have stay with him?”

“I’ll be with him to wake him up every couple of hours,” Eddie rubbed his back. “Shh, we’re going home soon, Evan.”

“Good. Let’s get those stitches in and then we can discharge him.”

“Stitches?” Buck asked.

“Only a couple,” Eddie told him. “Does it hurt still?” Buck shrugged and closed his eyes. “Come on, eyes open Buck, you can sleep in a little bit.”

The nurse that did the stitches was quick, and Buck didn’t feel it outside of a faint tugging, all the while Eddie kept up a steady stream of chatter.

“Time is it?” Buck went to fiddle with the IV, which Eddie derailed, and instead focused on fiddling with Eddie’s fingers instead.

“Almost eleven. We’re going home after this. Straight to bed with you.”

“Yay,” Buck loved their bed. They had gotten a new mattress, one of those memory foam ones, and it was amazing.

“Alright,” Eddie’s voice made him jump as he blinked frantically. “Time to stand up.”

Walking was harder than normal once they got to the parking lot. It got frustrating when it came time to get into the truck; the step bar seemed to move and Buck almost face planted twice.

“It’s moving,” Buck narrowed his eyes as he finally got his foot to stay still.

“What is?”

“The bar,” Buck felt hands on his hips, guiding him up and over into the seat.

“Do you want the heat on?” Eddie asked. Buck leaned against the window.

“Huh?”

“The heat, you kept saying that you were cold earlier.” It got warmer in the car, so the heat must have been turned on, and Buck closed his eyes when looking outside made him dizzy. He came back around when he got a whiff of Eddie’s aftershave.

“You smell good,” Buck finally got his eye lids to open and noticed that they were in front of Eddie’s place.

“Thanks,” Eddie laughed. “Come on, let’s get you inside.”

Eddie was carrying most of his weight this time, Buck not wanting to move his head from its spot on Eddie’s neck, or realize his grip on Eddie’s jacket. Basically, if it involved him letting go of Eddie, he didn’t want it. Inside, the lights made his head hurt, and he must have made a sound because Eddie was instantly soothing him. Their bedroom was a relief to see.

“Okay,” Eddie cupped his face after he was sitting. “Work clothes off, then pain medication, then sleep.”

“Yours,” Buck insisted. “Want to wear your shirt.”

“The green one?”

“Uh-huh,” Buck loved that shirt. It was green, faded DIAZ on the back, and it always smelled like Eddie. Plus, after so many washes, it was soft and comforting. Much better than his stiff clothing that he was wearing now. Uncoordinated hands started to try and undo the buttons on the shirt. “Stupid buttons,” Buck squinted at the tiny plastic button as it slid out from his fingers.

“Here, let me try,” Eddie swooped in and easily got the shirt unbuttoned and off. Buck blinked as Eddie grabbed something off to the side. “Arms up.” Seconds later, Buck was wearing the requested shirt. “Think you can get your pants off or do you need help?”

“You always want to take my pants off,” Buck giggled and Eddie gave him a soft grin.

“Get your mind out of the gutter. Come on, lean back,” Eddie undid his belt, instructing him to lift his hips, and soon his work pants were being balled up and tossed to the floor. “Do you want to sleep in just boxers or sweats?”

“Too hot,” Buck said. Eddie moved him towards the pillows, stepping away for a moment, and then he was back. Eddie cracked open a bottle of water and pressed a pill against his lips.

“Alright, here’s a pain pill and some water.” It went down easy, and Eddie continued to prompt him to drink some more, until the water bottle was empty.

“Can I sleep now?” The pillow was so soft, and Buck pressed his head against Eddie’s hand as it grazed over his hair.

“Yes,” Eddie pulled him against his chest and Buck tangled their legs together under the blanket. “I hope you’re this easy when I have to wake you up later.”

“Why?” Buck couldn’t think of why that would need to happen.

“Because you have a concussion and I want to make sure your brain is still working,” Eddie kissed his forehead. “Go to sleep.”

“Stay?” While Buck would say to anyone that listened that Christopher was the best cuddlier, Eddie was a close second. And now that they were together, Buck could cuddle him whenever he wanted.

“I’m staying,” Eddie guided his head back down. “I’m sure Christopher will love to hear more about how much you like his hugs tomorrow.”

The grueling part of having a concussion was the two-hour wake up calls. Buck was able to answer the questions, getting more coherent which each cycle, and only bitching more about it towards the end. Eddie didn’t seem annoyed; in fact, he looked fond.

“Glad to see that your sass wasn’t affected,” Eddie said after he woke Buck up around seven.

“You aren’t in bed with me,” Buck’s voice was muffled from his spot under the covers. “Get your ass back here.”

“Give me a second,” Eddie disappeared and Buck would swear up and down that he didn’t whine when he left. Eddie returned, with Christopher, who gently hugged him as Eddie got back into bed. “We are spending the day in bed, boys,” Eddie announced. Christopher giggled and launched into what he had done the previous day, his voice lulling Buck back to sleep, body relaxed as the Diaz boys curled themselves around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How's everyone doing today? Good? I've decided that now is the perfect time to repaint my whole room and I ended up staining my favorite shirt in the process. Leave a comment or kudos if you wish :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some healthy communication regarding sex between our boys.

41.Still

Buck woke up with the sun shining directly into his eyes. Then it took him a second to remember that this shouldn’t have been a shock, as his apartment had large windows, only to realize that he wasn’t currently at his apartment. The soft breathing coming from behind him made him aware that he wasn’t alone in the bed, either. Slowly, Buck turned over, wincing as other aches made themselves known, until he was facing the other person.

Eddie was sleeping on his side, mouth slightly open, and there was a little patch of drool on the pillow. Memories of last night came back, making Buck blush, which, what? It wasn’t the first time he was the first to wake up after a late night of sex, but last night didn’t feel like that. It didn’t feel like a one-time thing.

It felt…special.

Buck had been with other guys before certainly, as the one taking charge, only last night was different. They had been taking things slow; between the two of them, there was quite the amount of baggage when it came to relationships and sex. Neither of them wanted to ruin what they currently had, and were building, on a rushed decision to have sex. So, they had waited. Gone on several dates, continued their time spent with Christopher, and generally enjoyed the new found freedom of being able to bask in their relationship.

Buck didn’t mind waiting it out. While he was more comfortable with the hands-on stuff, Eddie was still getting use to it all. Eddie had never gotten intimate with a man before, so he was always asking Buck different questions when they decided to go a bit further than a gentle peck on the cheek or lips. Once they had gotten past that, and Eddie felt more confident acting rather than debating on whether or not Buck would like something, it was pretty nice.

Make-out sessions took place after shifts, in the quiet spaces of the bedroom or couch when Christopher didn’t risk walking in on them. Once that felt good, Eddie wanted to go further, and Buck let him set the pace. It should have made him feel weird, getting all excited about a little heavy petting or rough grinding, looking back on all his past experiences. Not that it mattered. Even if Eddie decided that he wanted to be celibate for the rest of eternity, as long as Buck could stay, he’d be fine with it.

There was a lot of talking between them now.

Buck, for all his shamelessness regarding sex, had actually been flustered during all of this. None of his partners, even Abby, had set aside so much time to sit down and go over everything. Blood testing and protection. Likes and dislikes. Buck didn’t have a lot of things that he was adamantly against, telling Eddie that he was fine with anything, only to have Eddie sternly shake his head and tighten his hold on Buck’s hand.

“There are things that you don’t like,” He said. “Maybe we find out that you’re telling the truth, or we don’t, but I’m not going to risk pushing you into something that has the potential to hurt you. I won’t hurt you this way, Evan.”

Eddie was self-destructive, sometimes emotionally, other times physically. Buck had used sex as a means to an end before, and then at one point, as a way to try and feel anything.

“I just want to make it good for you,” Buck admitted.

“It will be good for me. Want to know why?” Eddie tilted his chin up so Buck could see the seriousness in his eyes. “We’re talking this out. Taking our time. When we finally do have sex, it’s going to be special. Regardless of whatever stunts or tricks you think you need to make it that way.”

Being in a serious relationship was something that made Buck pause at odd points during his day. Like how he didn’t have to keep pushing himself when the mood wasn’t there for him.

“I know you said you couldn’t wait to kiss me senseless,” Buck leaned into Eddie’s hands as they trailed down his sides.

“I sense a but coming here,” Eddie said as he pulled away enough to see Buck fully. They had been messing around on the bed for the past hour; both of them were shirtless, lips swollen from the prolonged kissing, and Eddie had a clear bulge in his jeans. Buck normally would love nights like this, but he wasn’t feeling it.

“Could we, maybe, just…cuddle? I know, it’s stupid,” Buck rambled as Eddie looked on in concern. “I just, I’m tired from work and I honestly think I might fall asleep soon.”

“Hey, hey, slow down,” Eddie shifted, removing himself from Buck’s lap, and instead pulled Buck over so that he was half-way sprawled on his chest. “It isn’t stupid. I’m always down for holding you.”

“We were making out. You said you were excited about getting a hand-job.”

“Yes, but you aren’t in the mood for it. If I still wanted that hand-job, I’ll just go into the bathroom and take care of it myself.” Buck blinked at him.

“You’ll…take care of it yourself? Just like that?”

“Remember what we talked about last week? About how, if we wanted sex, both of us had to agree to it. You aren’t in the mood for it, which is okay, so if I want to go rub one out later, I will. And it won’t be your fault or your responsibility.” Eddie was looking at him like he was trying to search for something and Buck wilted a little.

“I know,” Buck said. “I just, forget, sometimes. That I don’t have to do that stuff anymore.”

“It’s okay. That’s why we talk about it, right?” Eddie kissed him, one of those soft kisses, and got off the bed. “Why don’t we get changed and then try to find a movie. Do you want to stay here on the bed or move to the couch?”

“The bed?” Buck asked. At least if they fell asleep, their backs wouldn’t hurt in the morning.

“Sounds good to me. Go get changed,” Eddie nudged him as he walked into the bathroom. After a moment, Buck got up to do that.

After all their communication and talking, endless conversations that made Buck want to crawl up the wall at times, they had finally gotten to that point. To where they both felt that introducing that last step was appropriate. Buck wasn’t a blushing virgin, familiar with concepts and bodily responses, only to have last night surprise him. In a good way. Eddie had taken charge, both as a way to satisfy his need for control, and desire to make sure Buck enjoyed himself, too.

“Good morning,” Eddie opened his eyes, brining Buck back into the present, and Buck moved forward so that their noses brushed.

“Morning,” Buck said back. “How’d you sleep?”

“Really good. You?”

“The best,” Buck felt totally blissed out, not from sex, but from the closeness and care that was seeped into each crevice of their bedroom. “I could go back to sleep, honestly.”

“Well, good thing we don’t have to go into work until later tonight,” Eddie chuckled.

“You mean,” Buck rolled his neck, eyes drifting shut as his body stretched, “That you’re looking forward to walking me limp around later on.”

“I didn’t hurt you too bad, did I?” Eddie pushed himself up onto his elbow, face awash in concern, and Buck quickly shook his head.

“No! No, you didn’t, it’s just been a while, that’s all.” If anything, Eddie had been overly cautious last night, double and triple checking, stretching out their prep time until Buck was a shivering mess on the bed.

“So,” Eddie moved his mouth down to the junction of Buck’s neck, teeth pressing against the skin for a brief second, before pulling away. “You aren’t opposed to doing that again?” Buck laughed.

“Yeah, we can do that again. Maybe after getting some food and brushing my teeth.”

“Oh, so now you’re worried about that morning breath? After where your mouth was last night?”

“I don’t remember you complaining about where my mouth was last night,” Buck leered.

“God, you’ve got a mouth on you,” Eddie rasped as his hands wandered lower. Buck smirked, his own hands moving to tangle in Eddie’s hair, legs moving apart to let Eddie slot himself in between them. “Are you sure? I don’t want to make it worse.”

“It’s a good ache,” Buck clarified. “Besides, that’s what pain killers are for, right? I’ll be fine.” Eddie contemplated it, before kissing him, hands rubbing circles on his hip bones.

“Breakfast first, then sex,” Eddie decided. “I’m going to go get the coffee started; can you start on the cooking part?”

“Not willing to risk burning the eggs again?”

“That was one time!”

Buck was still laughing even after Eddie had pulled on a pair of sweats and left the bedroom. Buck stood, wincing at the dull ache, before gingerly moving to slip on a pair of boxers. The need for proper dress wasn’t necessary, as Christopher wasn’t home, and they’d be getting undressed again soon anyway. By the time he was entering the kitchen, the ache wasn’t that harsh anymore.

“Damn,” Buck stopped, head going up to see Eddie’s wide eyes as he held a pan loosely in one hand, “I really marked you up.” Buck knew that he had several marks on his neck, chest, even one or two scattered across his thighs. Changing in the locker room was going to be fun.

“Is it weird if I admit that I like it?” Buck always had a thing for seeing the remnants of a tryst on his skin.

“No. I like it, too,” Eddie put the pan down and pulled Buck closer. They got distracted, kissing against the fridge door, before Eddie’s grumbling stomach got them back on track. “How long do you think we’ve got before we have to return back to the outside world?”

“Ten-ish hours?” Buck said around a mouthful of eggs. “Why sick of me already?” It was said in a joking way, though there was a small part of him that thought it was true.

“I’m not getting sick of you. I just don’t want to share you with anyone,” Eddie corrected. Buck relaxed and finished eating. “Except Christopher.”

“Obviously, he is my favorite Diaz, after all.” They left the dishes in the sink, wandering back to the bedroom, where Buck dealt with brushing his teeth as Eddie practically hung off him.

“Can we try that position again?” Eddie asked. Buck took two more passes at his molars before spitting out the toothpaste.

“With me riding you?” Buck was delighted that being frank about sex could made Eddie blush like that.

“Yes,” Eddie muttered as he buried his face against his shoulder. “Can I…” Buck rinsed his mouth before taking mercy on his boyfriend.

“I don’t mind letting you top. It’s actually kind of nice letting you be in charge.” Eddie beamed and it wasn’t long before they were back on the bed, the comforter and one pillow pushed aside to the ground.

Familiar sounds started to come back to the room, both of them laughing at different parts, something that hadn’t happened a lot in Buck’s past sexual encounters. Buck was used to performing, to making sure his partner was satisfied, for trying to make sure that everything went right. Even with Abby, Buck had been nervous enough that he might mess something up, that he’d do something that Abby deemed inexcusable. Buck was breathless when they finished, both of them smiling as they panted, and Buck was happy. For once, he had a positive relationship where sex was used to enhance it, not based on it being the foundation of it all.

“This might be the afterglow,” Buck said as Eddie rolled them over, so he could spoon him, “But, I’m really happy we got our shit together.”

“Me, too,” Eddie responded. Then his voice ramped up. “So, that thing with your hips,” Eddie started as Buck burst out laughing, light and happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We got better wifi today, yay for better internet connection. Hope everyone is doing alright, leave a comment or kudos if you wish :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Abby goes to the firehouse. It doesn't go well.

84\. Waste

The 118 station hadn’t changed much. Granted, she had only been there once, and Buck had shown her around after introducing her to everyone, but she really hadn’t been paying attention. She had commented when needed, made the appropriate noises, and then stuck by his side until she had to leave.

People moved around, working on the truck, talking, laughing, generally ignoring her as she stood alone on the sidewalk. She tried, in vain, to remember what Buck’s schedule had been. He tended to work odd hours, as she did at the call center, so maybe he was on shift today. However, she scanned the parking lot and didn’t see his Jeep. Had he changed cars? Standing outside wasn’t doing her any favors. This conversation was a long time coming and she needed to go inside and do it. She could take whatever Buck might throw at her, even if she knew that he wasn’t that type of person.

Taking a deep breath, Abby shouldered her purse and walked into the station. She got a few looks, but no one stepped forward to stop her, and Abby stood by the wall, not wanting to get in anyone’s way.

“Can I help you?” One of the paramedics took pity on her and came over.

“Oh, um, I’m looking for someone,” Abby said. “Evan Buckley?” The paramedic, who had been smiling a moment ago, suddenly turned serious.

“Who’s looking for Buck?” Another voice joined the conversation and Abby looked to see who was approaching. Granted, she had only met this person once, and she was happy that she could still remember that the man’s name was Chimney.

“Hi, Chimney,” Abby greeted softly. Chimney stared at her before turning his head to look at the paramedic.

“It’s alright, Mia, go back to what you were doing. I’ll handle this.”

“Is this-“

“Yeah, like I said, I’ll handle this.”

The urge to blend into the wall was strong. It wasn’t enough to have her turning around and running. She had come this far and if she got the chance to finally talk to Buck, then it would be worth it.

“Is there a reason you decided to show up here?” Chimney asked, face impassive.

“I was hoping to talk to Buck.”

“He isn’t here,” Chimney said. Abby waited for him to elaborate.

“Can you tell me when he will be here?” Abby fished.

“Not today. He’s out with Eddie and Christopher.” Abby wasn’t sure who those people were; she couldn’t recall if Buck had ever mentioned them to her before.

“Maybe I’ll call him instead,” Abby said. “Is his number still the same?” Chimney continued to stare at her, eyes calculating, before sighing.

“Look, Abby, I think you should just leave. Buck isn’t here and I don’t think he’d want to hear from you right now.” A small trickle of anger started to form in the pit of her stomach.

“That’s not up to you to decide,” Abby wanted her voice to come out firm, only to have it sound like she was whining.

“Maybe, but you don’t get to come around here looking for him and expect to be told his whereabouts.” Chimney crossed his arms. “Truthfully, after you leave Abby, I think it might be best if you don’t show up here again.”

“Did you get lost on your way to the ambulance, Chim?” Another voice came over and soon another woman was in sight. Her smiling face quickly morphed into a surprised one when she noticed Abby. “Oh, boy. No wonder Mia high tailed it to the loft earlier.”

“Hi, Hen,” Abby remembered that name.

“Abby,” Hen’s voice was even. “Can we help you with something?” Just as Abby was about to speak, Chimney cut her off.

“She was looking for our Buck. I already told her that he isn’t here.”

“You know what,” Abby interjected. “I think I will just call him.”

“And tell him what?” Hen asked. “Look, I don’t know why you decided that now was a good time to come back, Abby, but the rest of us aren’t about to just let you walk back in without asking questions.”

“I had to get away for a while!” Abby argues. She wasn’t about to stand there and explain herself. “Buck understood that.”

“Buck thought you would be gone for a few weeks, at most,” Chimney reminded her. “Not years.”

“I wasn’t ready to come back,” Abby knew it was a weak excuse. “Buck said that he was okay with it.” Repeating it felt like a copout. Hen shook her head.

“Buck didn’t deserve that,” She mimicked Chimney’s stance. “I know Buck won’t say a bad word about you, but the rest of us aren’t about to stand back and let you come back in without a word.”

“That’s his decision, not yours.”

“You weren’t here to see how it played out,” Chimney’s voice was hard, eyes narrowed. “You weren’t there to see him questioning everything after you left. He thought part of you leaving, and your continued silence when his texts and calls went unanswered, was on him. It’s taken us a long time to get him out of that funk,” Chimney finished.

“Is he with someone now? Is that why you aren’t thrilled that I’m here?” Abby thought that had to be part of it, part of the hostility she was facing; maybe they saw her as a threat.

“How is that any of your business?” Hen narrowed her eyes, and Abby could only hold the gaze for a moment, before looking away.

“I just don’t understand why he wouldn’t want to see me,” Abby finally said. Coming to the station first had been a mistake. She should have just gone with her first idea and simply called.

“Really? You can’t think of any reason why he wouldn’t want to see you?” Chimney looked angry and Abby felt her face heating up. She was already feeling guilty on how she treated the whole situation.

Had there been times where she could have called, and talked about what was going on like an adult, absolutely. Buck had tried to keep those lines of communication open, even before she had left, and Abby hadn’t been able to meet them. Each time she had been given the chance to step up, she had failed. Perhaps after having that happen so many times, Buck decided it wasn’t worth it anymore. In the beginning, Abby thought that the biggest different, and challenge, between them was the age gap.

Sure, there was that aspect, but Buck was smarter than he was given credit for. He picked up on things, paid attention to the details, and tried to go above and beyond for those around him. Abby wasn’t sure how she managed to get on that list, but she was there at one point, until she tripped up and ran halfway across the world.

“I know what I did was wrong,” Abby said as her hands fiddled with her purse strap. “I just want a chance to make things right.”

Was Buck dating someone now? Had he moved on, like she thought she had told him to, or was there a chance for a new chapter with him? Abby had grown during her time away; she believed she could finally match what Buck was trying to give her.

“Is making things right more for yourself or for Buck?” Hen wondered.

“Is there a reason why the two of you are not restocking the ambulance for the incoming shift?” Abby’s stomach clenched briefly as Bobby came into view. The older man looked every bit the captain he was, face impassive, and Abby didn’t dare to move as their eyes met. “Abby, what are you doing here?”

“She’s looking for Buck. We told her that he isn’t here,” Chimney said.

“That’s right,” Bobby affirmed. “He’s spending the day with Eddie and Christopher; he won’t be back until tomorrow.”

“Could you tell him that I stopped by?” Abby asked. She was getting no where standing here. Buck, clearly, wasn’t going to be walking through the bay doors anytime soon. His friends, who weren’t fond of her by any means, weren’t giving her anything to work with.

“Chim, Hen, go do the restock. I’ll be there in a minute,” Bobby order. Giving Abby one more long look, the two adults walked away towards the back of the garage where the ambulance was. “I wasn’t aware that you would be returning to LA,” Bobby said when they were alone.

“I’m done traveling. It was time for me to come back,” Abby replied. She wasn’t sure what she would do with her time yet, perhaps return to her old job, reinvest in making connections and getting herself back out into the social world.

“Abby, I think I’ll be the only one to tell you, nicely, that you won’t find what you’re looking for here,” Bobby didn’t seem all that apologetic.

“I get it. Buck isn’t here today,” Abby sighed. “I should have tried calling him earlier.”

“I meant that I don’t think that the Buck you are hoping to talk to isn’t the one that’s currently here,” Bobby clarified. “It’s been a rough year and Buck’s been through a lot. That’s why everyone is a little protective, they don’t want to put him through something else.”

Abby was in that category. Another person that was causing stress and potential emotional upset.

“I’m not here to cause trouble. All I want to do I talk to him and try to fix things,” Abby wasn’t sure there was anything left to fix. While she was away, Abby had deleted most of her social media. In doing so, she no longer had access to any of Buck’s accounts. After letting all his calls, text messages, and emails go unread and unanswered, Buck stopped trying to contact her. To be honest, she wasn’t even sure if the number in her phone was the same.

“What I meant is that I don’t think Buck would be willing to go back to what you had,” Bobby frowned for a moment. “I shouldn’t even be talking about this, but Buck is happy with someone. And it took a long time, with lots of hard spots, for them to get there.”

“So, I would be a home wrecker?” Abby grinned without humor.

“You would be coming back into his life and expecting something that he can’t give you anymore.”

“If all I can offer him is an apology, then so be it.” She would have to learn to be happy about it. “Does this person make him that happy?”

“He does,” Bobby answered. The pronoun surprised her; Buck had a pretty vibrant sex life when she knew him, but he never mentioned seeing any men. “They both make each other happy.”

“I won’t come back here to seek him out. Is his number still the same?”

“It hasn’t changed,” Bobby didn’t look happy that Abby was set on talking to Buck.

“I should go,” Abby shifted. “You have to get back to work.”

“Have a good rest of your day, Abby,” Bobby said. Abby turned to walked away, turning when Bobby called her name one last time. “Abby, if you are serious about coming back into his life, just know that it won’t be like last time.”

It was a light warning, something to keep her aware that the people in Buck’s life, some of whom she didn’t know of, weren’t about to let her slide by like last time.

“I know,” Abby answered. “If we can talk, and Buck decides he wants me to stick around, even as friends, then it’ll be different. I’ll be different.”

Bobby stared at her, before nodding, turning away to disappear into the deeper recesses of the building. Abby dropped her head and made her way outside, feeling better once she was encased in her car. She would call Buck in the morning, emotions slightly raw from before, and started on her way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My body is sore from repainting my room, but at least it looks good. Leave a comment or a kudos if you wish :) A new chapter of the drag race story will be posted tomorrow.


	13. Chapter 13

83\. Litigation

Bobby woke up and knew, without having to look at the calendar, what day it was.

The anniversary didn’t get any easier with time, even after all these years, and Bobby had learned how to work through it until he could acknowledge it in peace. Athena was asleep beside him, unaware of her husband’s plight, and Bobby pressed a soft kiss to her cheek before getting out of bed. As much as he wanted to stay in bed, he couldn’t. He still had a job to do; Bobby was slated for a sixteen-hour shift and he didn’t want to be late.

Working was a refugee for him during this day. In the past, he tried to avoid interacting with others, so he would call out or use a sick day. Only, staying in his apartment, alone, never worked out well for him. So, he would work long hours, until his body and mind were too tired to think, before collapsing into bed. Before he started to open back up, Bobby hadn’t wanted to show anyone his pain. Perhaps it was because he still carried so much guilt from that night.

The knowledge that it was his fault that he would never see his children again, never hold his wife again, all the while thinking that if he had stopped earlier, they might still be alive. There wasn’t a day that went by that Bobby didn’t think of the three of them. On today, of all days, Bobby found himself repeating information about all of them, not wanting to forget a single detail.

It didn’t take long to get ready. After making a quick coffee to pour into a travel mug, Bobby debated breakfast, deciding to forgo it. Eating was going to be hard enough today. In fact, doing anything was going be a struggle; the urge to curl up somewhere and mourn was strong. Not as strong as it was in the past, but alluring enough that Bobby knew he had to leave now or else he’d call out. Bobby drove on autopilot to the firehouse. The parking lot was mostly empty when he got there. Chimney’s car was there and Bobby parked beside him.

Inside, the building was quiet, most of the other workers still in the process of doing their final checks before shift change. Chimney, not due to start yet, was sitting up by the counter, typing away on his phone.

“Morning, Chim,” Bobby greeted. He should get changed into his uniform, go through his paperwork.

“Morning, Bobby,” Chimney looked up, smile on his face, before his eyes softened. “You feeling alright? Look a little pale there.”

“Yeah, just trying to get through today.” No one knew the exact date. They might have ideas, Hen and Buck getting the closest, but Bobby had never confirmed or denied any of that information. Being coddled wasn’t something he wanted, not on today, not when Bobby didn’t feel like the man he had been for the last several years.

“I feel that. Maddie had a rough shift last night, so our group chat is blowing up. I don’t think any of us are going to be firing on all cylinders.” Chimney said.

“Group chat?”

“Between Maddie, Josh, Buck and I. Josh is going through all the messages now, but Maddie and Buck have been going back and forth since last night.”

“Looks like the coffee pot is going to be working overtime,” Bobby said, a bite of humor in his words, as Chimney laughed.

“Sure looks like it,” Chimney stared at him for a minute. “Why don’t you go get changed? I’ll start breakfast.” Bobby felt a frisson of fear, imagining his kitchen ruined, before Chimney started to chuckled at hi expression. “Don’t give me that look. I can handle dicing up some vegetables, Bobby, nothing more than that. Promise.”

Bobby nodded slowly before turning and going to get ready. By the time he was done, Chimney was halfway done with the prep work.

“How do omelets sound?” Chimney reached down and pulled out the skillet. Bobby swallowed, feeling slightly touched, as everyone knew those were his favorite, and nodded. Chimney hung around as Bobby started to cook, chatting away, and soon the rest of the team was there. Hen listened with one ear while she cuffed her shirt sleeves; Eddie and Buck were clearly on a different topic, judging from Buck’s hand movements and Eddie’s amused face.

“Food’s on,” Bobby called and they each grabbed a plate. Despite Bobby knowing that eating anything today would be difficult, the eggs went down easy, and his heart wasn’t pounding out of his chest. He felt a wave of panic, wondering if this meant that he wasn’t caring as much as he normally did, only to remember what the grief counselor had told him years ago. The pain and hurt wouldn’t fully go away, just change into something more manageable, something that wouldn’t swallow you whole.

“So,” Eddie started as he helped collect the plates. “You are formally invited over this weekend. Christopher insisted.”

“He did?” Bobby asked. Eddie grinned as he turned on the water.

“Yeah, there’s supposed to be a meteor shower and he thought it would be a cool time to have a party under the stars.” Bobby smiled as he started the dry the plates Eddie passed him.

“Has he invited anyone else?”

“You’re the first one.”

“Not Buck?” Bobby teased.

“Chris knows that Buck would always say yes. It’s not even a question,” Eddie paused in his actions. “Buck said that you’d get a kick out of being the first invited guest.” Buck likely had an idea of what had happened this month, Bobby’s mood always souring during February, and was trying to help take the edge off.

“I’d be honored to go,” Bobby answered.

It was heartwarming to see all the different familiar units and bonds that had developed out of their little team. When Bobby first started, he had kept his conversations to the bare minimum. Not talking about anything outside of work. Bobby was broken, back then, still trying and failing to make things right in his own head. He was stuck in a hole, no way out, mind set that he would forever blame himself for what had happened. Brook would have been in her twenties now; Robert in high school. He and Mandy, is they fixed their marriage, would have celebrated twenty years together.

The day progressed slowly. The calls weren’t anything too severe, mainly medical, so he was spending a lot of time with Buck while the other three took lead.

“Eddie told me about the party,” Bobby said as they monitored the scene.

“Yeah? Did you say yes?”

“Yes,” Bobby laughed. “I don’t want to be the one to tell Christopher no.”

“It’s awful,” Buck said, absently as his eyes scanned the scene in front of them. “Eddie always makes me do it once a day.”

Bobby wondered what his previous family would think about his current one. Would they all get along? Or would they see them as yet another thing that Bobby had placed before them? Bobby would never get those answers. Before he could get into that spiral, thinking endlessly about the what-ifs, Bobby tried to think of all the positives that had come along from the worst tragedy he’d experienced. That was better and the answers came faster than when he first started this exercise.

He had a great marriage with Athena. Friendships, more than he could have ever thought, all of which had had a positive outlook on his life. A job that he was good at.

“What are you thinking about over there?” Bobby shook himself out of his thoughts. “You’re frowning pretty hard.” Buck’s eyes studied him, light worry present, and Bobby relaxed.

“Just thinking,” Bobby answered. Took a breath and continued. “Today is an anniversary for me.” Buck looked puzzled, and Bobby could already see his brain going off, trying to think of what could have happened today. “I lost my first family today,” Bobby said quietly.

It probably wasn’t the best setting for this conversation, in the middle of a work scene, but the words were out there now. In fact, this was the first time Bobby had actually admitted them to someone else other than his therapist or Athena.

“It’s been nine years.”

“I’m sorry,” Buck offered, face pinched in concern, and Bobby rolled his shoulders.

“Thank you,” Bobby knew that Buck wanted to say more, was likely putting together everything he knew already. “I’m just comparing things in my head. It always seems difficult when it comes around. Like I should be doing so well when they’re gone.” Gone because of his mistakes. Bobby had given in to his vices and it cost him everything he had back in Minnesota.

“I don’t think anyone would want you to feel guilty about being happy,” Buck finally said. “It makes sense now, why you always get quieter during this month.”

“I don’t want you, or anyone, to worry.”

“Bobby, why do you think Christopher had Eddie ask you over? Because he heard us talking about how we could cheer you up and wanted to help.” Bobby inhaled sharply; he didn’t have as much contact with the boy, but even Christopher noticed something was up.

“He shouldn’t have to worry.”

“You try telling him that. Fair warning, you’ll lose. That kid doesn’t pull his punches,” Buck sounded like he knew from personal experience.

“I just keep wondering what could have been, you know. If I stopped drinking earlier. If I didn’t mess up that night. If I didn’t fall asleep,” Bobby muttered.

“You’ve changed. You wanted to fix yourself and you did,” Buck pointed out. “You could have kept us all out and you didn’t.”

“It took me passing out in my bed and having you and Hen frantically trying to rouse me to let you in,” Bobby never wanted them to have that memory. It was one thing to be helping total strangers; when you had a connection to them, it made the job harder.

“I’m not going to judge you on letting people in or not, Bobby, not from where I’m coming from.”

“Brook would have been your age,” Bobby wasn’t sure why he said that. It was no mistake that Bobby sometimes went paternal, saw traits of his kids in his youngest firefighter. Buck didn’t fight against it, which made sense as more information about his own parents came out, so Bobby continued. “I’m grateful that I get to have this. But, knowing that I had to lose all of them, to get here, won’t ever stop hurting.”

Bobby had to stop himself from continuing. Breaking down at a scene was not right, not professional, and he needed to be focused.

“Do you ever think they’d be proud of you? For turning your life around? That’s how I would look at it,” Buck offered. Bobby smiled, thankful for the kind words, and took a breath.

“Come on, let’s go make sure that the others are doing alright,” Bobby clasped his shoulder, Buck grinning, and the heavy moment was lifted.

There would probably be more conversations in the future. Buck wouldn’t spread this information around, but Bobby would likely be carefully watched over the next couple of days. As he sunk back into his job, commands and actions feeling familiar and reassuring, Bobby let that little ball of sadness go. He couldn’t change the past, no more than he wished he could, but he could have this. He could make better choices now for the family he had made, through smiles and blood and tears, Bobby could be a better man for them. Perhaps, one day, he could believe on his own that he was a man that his first family would have been proud of.

Even if it wasn’t with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment or kudos if you wish :)


	14. Chapter 14

17\. Zero 

There are little details about Buck that no one would notice if they didn’t pay attention. Granted, Buck always tried to appear like an open book, it took really knowing him to see what he was trying to hide from view. It’s about eight months into their friendship, not that Eddie is keeping track, when he firsts notices. By this point, two birthdays’ have gone by, Hen’s and another fire fighter at the station, Gus. They threw a little party for them and it was fun.

“So, when’s yours?” Eddie asks as they walk out towards their cars. Eddie wished they had carpooled this morning; normally, they do, but Eddie and Buck started at different times today.

“When’s my what?” Buck asked back as he typed something out on his phone.

“Your birthday,” Eddie said. Buck shrugged.

“It passed already.”

“Really? When?” Eddie tries to think if he missed any details or mentions of a date, but fails.

“It was two months before you started,” Buck answers. Eddie isn’t sure why Buck is acting like he’s being interrogated, but that’s just another aspect of being friends with the blonde. He, and the rest of the team, have learned that personal things are sometimes treated with the delicacy of landmines when it relates to Buck.

“So, it’s in August,” Eddie nods, filing that piece of information away. He wants to ask for a date, only stopping when he notices how uncomfortable Buck is, and goes to a different topic. It bugs him, though, and Eddie finds himself going back over the conversation as he drives home. Then, because his mind is spinning, he goes through every conversation they’ve had recently. And notices a pattern.

Buck hasn’t really shared much about his past with him.

Or anyone.

There are some basic details, like Maddie being his sister, and that Buck is from Pennsylvania, and he travelled and spent some time down in South America. There is no mention of his parents, hell, even any relatives. Nothing about his childhood, even though Chimney swears he knows some stories through Maddie. It makes Eddie feel equal parts wistful and curious. So, Eddie tries to make it clear that he wants to know. Wants Buck to open up more and share with him. After all, they’re partners, best friends, and it’s been a long time since Eddie had one of those. Buck seems to think so, too.

Only, Eddie’s questions get dodged and seem to go nowhere. Buck clams up more times than Eddie can count and it results in some weird silences and concerned looks from their friends. After a week of this, Hen is the one to corner him, leaning against the door frame to halt his exit.

“Why are you suddenly playing a game of twenty questions with Buck?”

“Because I want to get to know him better,” Eddie doesn’t know how else to explain it.

“And pelting him with questions is the best way you could think of?” Hen holds up a finger when Eddie goes to talk. “Listen, I’m going to share some wisdom with you. You want Buck to open up more, yes?” Eddie nods, wondering where this conversation is going, and Hen smiles. “Then you need to back off. Buck doesn’t do well with direct questions, take it from me. That boy will put up walls like no ones business.”

“Then he’s told you stuff?” That makes Eddie sad, deep down, because he thought that Buck would tell him first. It’s irrational, he knows, especially when Buck has been friends with Hen longer than he’s known Eddie.

“I wish,” Hen says, letting a bit of frustration show on her face. “Like I said, Buck is surprisingly private about anything personal. We didn’t even know he had a sister till Maddie showed up one day.” Eddie rocks on his heels, pondering his next move, before it strikes him.

“I got it,” Eddie blurts out and Hen blinks at him.

“You do?”

“Trust me, okay?” Eddie isn’t sure if it will work, but he’s willing to try. He’s willing to be uncomfortable, for the sake of his best friend, if it’ll get him the trust Buck clearly needs. For the rest of the shift, and week, Eddie doesn’t ask Buck any questions relating to his past. As a result, Buck relaxes, and things seem to go back to normal. The start of the new work week, Eddie greets Buck in the parking lot, and passes off the cup of StarBucks coffee he got before he came. Having Christopher spend the night at Abuela’s, and having Carla pick him up for school, afforded him some extra time.

“Well, this is nice,” Buck said, lighting up when Eddie hands off the coffee, and Eddie rolls his eyes.

“It’s just a cup of overpriced coffee, nothing special.”

“An overpriced cup of coffee you didn’t need to get me,” Buck fixes.

“Fine,” Eddie gives in. “Carla’s taking Christopher to school and I had some extra time.” They enjoy their drinks as they get ready, the rest of their friends letting them be for the most part, well aware that locker room time is equal to Eddie and Buck talking each other’s ear off time. “So, did I ever tell you about the time I tried to make coffee for my Mom and ended up flooding the counter instead?” Buck looks up from tying his shoes and Eddie waits for a response.

“You flooded the counter? How?” And Eddie relaxes, starting the story, paying close attention to Buck’s face as he goes.

“So, then, because I was rushing now, “ Eddie tucks his shirt in. “I didn’t remember to put the coffee put underneath. It started to drip with nothing under it and got everything wet. Mom wasn’t happy.”

“She was that mad?” Buck asks and Eddie shakes his head.

“Nah, she thought it was sweet, just reminded me to put the pot under the filter next time.” Buck laughs at that, all tension gone from his shoulders, and Eddie finally notices that they are alone in the locker room.

“At least you had good intentions,” Buck knocks his shoulder as he passes and head out towards the door. “Thanks for sharing.” Eddie grins and turns to close his locker up.

Sharing that story wasn’t too difficult; it was one of the tamer ones, an easy start to what Eddie hopes is a back-and-forth sharing thing. If any of their friends catch wind of Eddie’s plan, they have the sense to keep it to themselves. Eddie shares more about his childhood and teenage years with Buck than anyone previous, even Shannon to some extent. Not that Shannon didn’t bother to ask, it was just hard because they still felt like kids when they were together, even more so when Christopher was born. Telling Buck these things feels different and he hopes that Buck knows that.

Knows that Eddie trusts these parts of himself with Buck. Being vulnerable isn’t something that Eddie does well; his parents would see it and dissect it. Every mistake or flaw was noted and saved for later, either to be used as a lesson or as something to hold over his head. It makes him angry that none of his sisters got that treatment, only him. For a fleeting moment, Eddie wonders if Christopher even had that happen to him while he was overseas. If that was true, then Eddie would be hard pressed to leave his kid alone with his parents again. Even after they tried to take Christopher from him.

Eddie continues to tell stories. Throughout a work shift, or when they are hanging out together, and several times over text. Buck, without fail, always listens attentively, asking questions and remembering each detail. The storytelling has been going on for close to a month when Eddie gets his first glimpse into Buck’s childhood.

“My grandpa was the one that started to teach me to bake,” Buck mentions one night. Christopher has a bake sale the following morning and Eddie, panicked over the sight of cupcake tins and frosting, called Buck over to help. “He loved to bake, said that the Buckley men couldn’t cook for crap, but we could bake.”

Eddie knows it’s true; Bobby has been teaching Buck to cook for over a year now, and baking is definitely his strong suit, each goodie coming out delicious.

“Did you spend a lot of time with him?” Eddie askes, half curious, half dying to keep the conversation going.

“Yeah. Before he started getting sick, I was over his place practically every day. He’d show up at school, driving his giant station wagon, and pick me up. After I did my homework, he’d show me how to back something. My grandma always joked about how the house would never stop smelling like vanilla.” The memory must be happy, because Buck is smiling, and it doesn’t have that longing look in his eyes.

“What was your favorite thing to bake with him?”

“We used to do Christmas cookies. Dozens of them, all different, and then we’d bring one of each to my grandma so she could try them,” Buck pauses in his mixing of the batter. “I haven’t really done anything like that in a while.”

“We could this year, if you wanted,” Eddie hedges. Eddie might have to do more watching that baking, if they want it to be edible, but Christopher would love it.

“Yeah, maybe,” Buck answers. They finish the cupcakes, Buck going as far as making sure they’ll be secure in the container for tomorrow’s school run, and then it’s time to get Christopher ready for bed, and Buck to head home.

After that night, it’s almost as if Buck finally took down whatever wall was up, and he starts telling Eddie more. There’s another pattern emerging, one that has Eddie suspicious for a whole host of other reasons. All the stories focus mainly on Buck being with two sets of people; his grandparents and Maddie. Sadly, most of the ones with Maddie are of Buck when he was younger, not even in high school yet, before they turn sour due to Doug meeting Maddie. The ones with his grandparents stay mainly happy, Buck seemingly able to pull out tons of different memories.

The sharp absence of his parents is shown in each tale. Eddie doesn’t know how to even start addressing that can of worms.

Before long, Buck is telling Eddie things in the locker room, too. When he first started to open up, Buck had only done so while in the safety of Eddie’s apartment, or his own. At first, he only felt comfortable with Eddie being the one to hear. Now, Christopher got some of the stories, and it makes Eddie smile to see that. To know that Buck has seen the effort Eddie put in and is giving back in kind. Because Buck always did that, would give and give, if only shown the green light first.

The first Christmas as best friends rolls around and Eddie drives himself and Christopher over on a Friday night. Buck, having already gone shopping for the necessary ingredients, opens the door with a wide grin and lights up when Christopher blows past Eddie for his usual hug. The mess they make in the kitchen is one of epic proportions, but the cookies come out great, so it seems worth the clean-up time they have coming in the near future. Christopher is fast asleep on Buck’s bed when Eddie breaks out one of the beers.

“Did I ever tell you about the time my grandma had be convinced that the dyed Easter eggs could actually hatch a chick?” Buck asks. Eddie shakes his head, already grinning, and props his chin up on his hand.

“No, but this is only reinforcing the fact that you are pretty gullible,” Eddie goads.

“I was six! How was I supposed to know?” Buck defends and Eddie settles in to listen, feeling happy that Buck trusts him with this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment or a kudos if you wish :)


	15. Chapter 15

37\. Aware

Bobby never planned to get into another relationship after Mandy. Didn’t think he would have a hand in helping to raise two kids; well, maybe not raise, as May and Harry weren’t babies when they met. And his relationship, and then marriage, to Athena? Bobby wasn’t a gambler, but he would have never bet on that. In fact, for the first few weeks of their relationship, Bobby was convinced it wouldn’t work out.

After all, he didn’t have a good track record.

From the start, the two of them had decided to keep their dating quiet. There wasn’t anything that said that they couldn’t date one another, just that there were several factors, and multiple parties, they needed to be aware of. The kids, Michael, Athena’s family. That first date turned into two, then five, and suddenly, they had been dating for four months. The team wasn’t clued into the fact that Bobby had been busy most weekends or that Athena seemed to be stopping by the firehouse more often.

When they finally came clean, to both the team and Athena’s family, Bobby was relieved. He never knew what it meant to hold Athena close, or kiss her, not just in privacy when they were alone, but in public. They got through that tense first meeting with Athena’s parents, he asked her to marry him, and since then Bobby felt like he was on cloud nine. It was also the start of his own personal mission. Bobby was determined not to let this end up like it did last time.

Mandy had deserved better from him. Brook and Robert did, too. Bobby couldn’t fix that, couldn’t change what had already happened, and any family that was related to them on Mandy’s side wanted nothing to do with him.

In an effort to try and make it right, Bobby always made the effort to go the extra step for Athena and her kids. That slowly changed; after being together for over a year, married for several months, they started to feel less like just Athena’s kids, and more of his own. He still deferred to Athena and Michael on most things; he had been practically a stranger when Athena introduced him to her kids. Harry had warmed up quickly, May taking a bit longer, but now they were as comfortable with Bobby as they were with either of their parents.

In the beginning, he started out small, not wanting to make it seem like a big deal or mess up and try to do something too big, too fast. Gestures of affection worked well and could be done at any time. Athena was normally awake before he was, unless she had a late night shift, and he began by making sure that there was always a fresh cup of coffee waiting for her. Something easy and filling that she could take for breakfast. If he was done before she was, he’d swing by the police station, and quickly say hello to her.

Date nights included some variation of flowers; for their one year anniversary of getting married, Bobby went out and got a gold plated rose. Athena loved each gesture; the gold rose had a spot of honor on the mantel and Bobby got on name basis at the station for how often he visited. It didn’t take long before he started to notice that Athena was doing similar things for him.

Bobby was fairly good at waking up in the morning, but on the days where the shift went over, his stuff was already laid out and his bag repacked before he woke up. Athena never said anything, about it, and Bobby didn’t ask. There couldn’t be anyone else that did it. They’re sitting on the couch one night, May out at a friend’s house and Harry playing video games in his room. “You know,” Athena says when the TV goes to a commercial.

“I don’t think I can remember the last time I made my own coffee in the morning.”

“Is that so?” Bobby asks, not admitting anything, and Athena looks up at him.

“Don’t get all innocent on me, Nash, I know you are the only one in this house that programs the coffee maker like that.”

“It works just fine! Maybe even better.” It had taken a while to figure out the settings, but now it brews twice as much as it used to, and ensures that the whole family, minus Harry, is adequately caffeinated.

“It brewed the coffee just fine before,” Athena sighs, rubbing his chest, and Bobby grins. “Getting back on track, you want to tell me why you’ve gotten it ready that early?”

“The coffee?”

“And breakfast.” The coffee is brewed before he wakes up, preprogramed at night, and breakfast is done before Athena leaves.

“It’s not a big deal. I like doing it for you,” Bobby has found refugee in cooking. It gives him something tangible, something that shows how much he cares. There are dozens of recipes stored in his brain, he knows the favorites of everyone he loves, knows when to pull them out.

“I know. I figured,” Athena wiggles a bit, dislodging the blanket draped over them, and Bobby pulls it back up. “It’s the same way I do your bag. I like doing it for you.”

Bobby was normally an organized person, not that his work bag never would have shown it if it were to be open by anyone but him. Clothes thrown in there, a plastic bag for his toiletries, a pair of shoes floating around, alternating between the side pockets and the main pouch. Athena took the time to fold his clothes; his plastic bag was thrown away and a nice travel case was used for his toiletries. Shoes went in a drawstring bag with a mini freshener.

“Well, I don’t plan on stopping what I do for you.” Bobby would continue to do those little things. Athena pushed herself up.

“I’m just wondering when it started,” Athena asked. Bobby thought about it.

Maybe a few weeks into dating, if he was being honest; he had wanted to go all out, but Athena was practical, and wanted to take things slow. That he could show her now, no fears about going too fast, spurred Bobby on each time.

“I never did these things for Mandy,” Bobby starts off and Athena’s face changes. Goes from soft and open, to intently listening, fully aware that Bobby doesn’t bring up his late wife for no reason. “I took her for granted. I missed special dates, didn’t help out unless she screamed at me, I basically left her alone in our marriage. I wanted to be better, I tried, but I was too far dependent on the alcohol at that point. Then the fire happened.” Bobby paused, eyes closing, and Athena stroked his face.

It was always painful to fall back into those memories. He could still smell the smoke, see the flames, see the wreckage and zipped up black bags that housed his family.

“I wanted to be better, for her and the kids, and I never that chance. When I met you, and we started dating, I told myself it would be different. That I’d be different.” Athena nodded along, not saying anything, well aware that Bobby needed time to get his thoughts out.

“That’s why you’ve been doing these little things,” Athena surmises once it’s clear Bobby is done talking for the moment. Bobby nods, eyes still trained on something in the past, and Athena leans down to kiss his cheek. “I’m not Mandy, Bobby, I’m not going to judge you if you aren’t a perfect husband every second.”

“That’s not the point,” Bobby argues. “I want to be good to you and doing these things, it helps. Makes me feel like I’m making your day better.”

He liked making others feel good. It wasn’t just geared towards Athena. There was more effort used there most days, that was true, but he went out of his way for the others just as much. At times, he felt ashamed of his earlier behavior with his team. Keeping Hen and Chimney at arms-length, coming down hard on Buck and then shutting him out when he tried to understand and help, it made him more receptive to when Eddie came along.

“You always make my day better. It just makes me worried that you starting doing this out a sense of guilt. I’m not Mandy, Bobby, and I don’t plan on letting you go down the same path like last time.”

Athena had listened to him when he talked about his past; the drinking, the mess of a life he made in Minnesota, the staggering loss that he got in the end because of his poor choices. Addiction would always be a part of him and Athena deserved to know if they were to spend a life together.

“I know you aren’t her,” Bobby was quick to tell her. Mandy and Athena were so different; while there were a handful of characteristics that were similar, there were dozens that showed how different they were. Athena had come into his world, first as a friend, and then stayed as a partner, a strong wife that knew how to be firm and knew when to bend. “Meeting you, marrying you, having you in my life, those have been some of the greatest blessings since coming to LA.”

He had picked LA on a whim. Thought that the sun, the strangers, and being literal states away from his old home would help. Recovery would still be a way off, he’d come to find out, and Athena had remained a firm work face until they finally got a chance to talk to one another.

“Then why are you trying to fix something that isn’t broken here? I love what you do for me, honey, but I want you to do it because you want to, not because you feel like you need to.”

“It might have started out like that, in the beginning,” Bobby admitted. “Then, it just became something that I wanted to keep doing. I saw how happy it made you and making up for something didn’t matter anymore.”

“Then, if it makes you happy and it isn’t focused on guilt,” Athena nuzzled his nose. “Keep doing it. I sure am.” Bobby laughed, pulling Athena closer, the two of them kissing. They couldn’t get too crazy, as Harry was still awake and in the house, but it was enough for now.

The current things they were doing for one another stuck around. New things started to appear once they had their talk. Bobby sent Athena lunch once in a while, Athena ordered ahead for him when he went to pick up coffee. Soon, it wasn’t just Bobby bringing home flowers for Athena; she surprised him with a bouquet after a long shift. Each action made Bobby melt, face breaking into a smile, and if the team was around, they took every chance to tease him.

“You guys are so cute,” Hen cooed one day as Bobby pulled out an extra Tupper wear container. In it contained some of Athena’s famous blondie brownies. She had made enough for the crew, plus extras, and Hen eagerly grabbed one. “Oh, these are so good.”

“Why do you think I made sure to grab the big bin?” Bobby laughed. “Hey, hey, one at a time, let the others have one first.”

“Are those brownies?” Chimney shouted, getting the attention of the others, and soon the table was swarmed.

“These are so good,” Buck commented, Eddie nodding along with him, before finishing his off. Eddie glanced at Buck’s and tried to steal a bite. “No, you had one!”

“Dad, the children are fighting again,” Chimney moaned.

“My shift doesn’t start for another three minutes, Chim, you’re in charge.”

By the time the shift was done, and Bobby was heading home, the container was empty. Bobby had gotten one brownie, but he wasn’t mad; Athena had left him extra at home.

“Welcome home,” Athena greeted as Bobby stepped through the door. Bobby dropped his bag and pulled Athena close, kissing her, causing Athena to lift up on her toes to lengthen the kiss. “Good day?”

“It was alright,” Bobby didn’t want to talk about work. He just wanted to spend time with his wife. “Need a hand with dinner?”

“I’m sure I can find something for you to do,” Athena assured him and linked their hands, leading him further into the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back from my mini break. I was starting to get a little burnt out, but everything is good now, so leave a comment or kudos if you wish :) stay safe out there folks!


	16. Chapter 16

45\. Utter

Chimney enjoys teasing people. Not surprisingly, teasing his friends is the most fun, and Hen normally joins in. While the teasing first started out between the two of them, it slowly expanded to the rest of the team, and Chimney has a favorite person to poke some light fun at. Buck makes it too easy, sometimes, with the general lack of movie or pop culture knowledge. Occasionally, Maddie will pile on, which only adds to the fun.

“I’m bored,” Chimney moans as he and Hen are spread out on the couches. B team had just been called out, leaving the fire house quieter, and Bobby was hiding away in the office to take care of some paperwork.

“Go bother the other two,” Hen pressed a pillow to her face, as if that would encourage sleep, before flinging it at him.

“Ouch, and here I thought that we were friends,” Chimney pouted. “Where did they walk off to?”

“Where do you think?” Hen sat up. “I think they went to the bunk room; Eddie seemed determined to get Buck to sleep.” As much as Chimney wanted entertainment, he was loath to go bother them if Buck actually managed to sleep.

“Those circles under his eyes were really dark,” Chimney didn’t know a lot of details, as Buck never once talked about his sleeping issues, and this last week hadn’t exactly been an easy week.

“Then pop your head in and if they aren’t sleeping, go for it. If not, then come back here and we can figure something out,” Hen said and gestured down the stairs. Rolling his eyes, Chimney heaved himself up off the couch and wandered over the bunk room.

As expected, Eddie and Buck were in there. Eddie was sitting, half-propped up and stretched out on the cot, one hand holding his phone the other rubbing circles into Buck’s shoulder.

“Everything alright, Chim?” Eddie asked, voice low, and Chimney carefully slipped into the room, gently closing the door behind him so that it didn’t slam.

“Yeah, just bored,” Chimney leaned against the nearest cot, shoulder coming into contact with the cold metal bar. “He out for the count?” Buck’s eyes were closed, soft breathing coming from him, and his hand had a death grip on Eddie’s shirt. Eddie didn’t appear to be planning to leave anytime soon.

“At least for a few hours,” Eddie lowered his phone so that it rested on his thigh. “He went on a research binge last night.”

“So, he’s worried about something,” Chimney inferred. While some of the research marathons were born out of honest curiosity, the majority of them stemmed from some sort of anxiety or fear that Buck was unwilling to talk about.

“My sisters are coming into town. They want to go to the beach while they are here.”

“And Buck is worried about another tsunami.” On the job, Buck could lock that fear away, focus on the task and then, privately, break down later. It was a long process and Chimney suspected that it was still difficult for Buck to be near any open water. “Do they-“

“They know about the tsunami. But, once he’s got an idea in his head, that’s it,” Eddie said, tilting his head back and closing his eyes. “It’s been stressing him out.”

“He’s getting better,” Chimney reminds him.

It’s taken time, and lots of trial and error, before Buck was finally comfortable telling someone when he was getting overwhelmed. When he started to stop putting himself in situations that could potentially cause harm and go talk to someone. Granted, it was usually Eddie or Bobby that he reached out to; Chimney wasn’t sure what was discussed during those therapy sessions. They wondered, of course, and Buck gave some generic answers. There were days that Buck came out of a session his normal self and others he needed space.

“I know,” Eddie closed his eyes and the hand that was resting on Buck stilled for a moment, before moving again. “I told him that they wouldn’t mind if we changed our plans. Even Christopher still gets a bit anxious when we go to the beach.”

“Maybe you could use Christopher to help him? Or have him suggest something else?”

“Buck would see through it,” Eddie sounded like he had already tried that idea. The two of them froze when Buck shifted, not talking as he rolled over, so his back was against Eddie’s side. It was a tight fit on the cot and Chimney was surprised that Eddie hadn’t fallen off yet. “Come on, I don’t wanna wake him up.”

It was nice outside and the pair sat down on one of the benches near the bay entrance. Chimney liked this kind of weather; still warm, but plenty of cool breezes. The two of them sat in silence, watching the cars pass by on the street, while keeping an ear out for the alarm.

“I suggested that my sisters should come to visit. It’s been a while since Christopher has seen his aunts, and much longer since I’ve seen them. And they wanted to meet Buck in person, now that we’re dating,” Eddie confessed. “He wants to meet them, make a good impression, and he is going to push himself to do this even if it hurts.”

“Have you tried being blunt with him? That you’d rather change the plans that risk him getting hurt? Because, I don’t want to have to find out that he had a panic attack or flashback or that you also lost your shit,” Chimney has seen the two of them like that before.

Eddie, with his laser focus during the truck bombing; Buck, when they thought Eddie was dead in that hole.

“I try not to be that way with him. Not when he’s this stressed out. It only makes him more anxious.”

“Maybe get him to agree after he’s blissed out?” It’s a option, one that Chimney’s had used on him before, and if Buck’s anxious it might be the better choice.

“Are you suggesting that I use sex as a means to get Buck to see sense?” Eddie asks. Chimney shrugs.

“Like I said, it’s an option.”

“Maybe not sex,” Eddie mutters and Chimney can see his brain working. For a moment, he feels almost bad for Buck, for the mini storm he’s about to receive.

Then, he thinks of the dark circles under Buck’s eyes. How he didn’t finish breakfast this morning. How, once again, Buck was going to put himself through something that caused him pain because of someone else.

“I got it,” Eddie patted Chimney’s shoulder as he stood. “Thanks.”

And then he left. Chimney stared at the empty space next to him and shook his head. Eddie was gone by the time he was back inside, likely in the bunk room, and Chimney left him alone. Hen was happy for his company and the two of them ended up curled up on the couch, swiping through Tik Tok, slowly watching the clock tick away minutes of their shift. Eddie eventually reappeared, smile firmly planted on his face, and the two of them exchanged a look.

“Should we be worried about the state of the bunk room?” Hen whispered. Chimney wasn’t too sure; surprisingly, the pair was good about keeping their hands to themselves during work.

“What are you guys up to?” Eddie asked, leaning against the back of the couch, and squinted as the video continued to play on the screen. “Why are you watching bathroom cleaning videos?”

“It’s soothing,” Chimney defended. “Did you manage to succeed?”

“Succeed?” Hen questioned.

"It’s better,” Eddie waved it off. “I told you that I had something that would work and it did.”

With that, Eddie pushed himself up and headed towards the kitchen. Several minutes later, Buck came up the steps, face oddly flushed. Wait, no, it wasn’t flushed; slightly red. With a smile, Chimney realized that Buck had the lingering appearance of a blush. It wasn’t hard to notice it now; with how fair Buck’s skin was, he couldn’t hide it.

“And look who returned to the land of the living,” Hen said as Buck got closer.

“Hey, naps are good,” Buck said, yawning once, before rolling out his neck.

“Amen to that,” Hen patted the space next to her. “Come here, I wanna show you something.” Chimney got up, on the hunt for a snack, and came to stand next to Eddie.

“Seriously,” Chimney asked, voice low. “What did you do? He seems like he’s back to normal.” The dark circles were still present, not as harsh as earlier, but Chimney could tell Buck was feeling better. He was smiling more genuinely now.

“You sure you want to know?” Eddie teased.

“Yes,” Chimney hedged. Eddie rolled his eyes with a smile and opened the cabinet. Reaching in and taking out a snack bar, he passed it off to Chimney, before leaning back against the counter. “He came out blushing, Eddie.”

“I just told him some stuff, that’s all.”

“Stuff? What kind of stuff?”

“Stuff that would make anyone feel good? It wasn’t dirty, get your mind out of the gutter, Chim.”

“It wasn’t a dirty thought!” Chimney’s eyes darted over to the couch. His fears that he had been heard were unfounded. Buck and Hen were absorbed in the phone, heads tilted towards one another, completely oblivious to the conversation happening in the kitchen.

“Buck is good at giving pep talks or compliments to me,” Eddie started. “It’s more difficult for me, but I’m working on it. When I can do it, I always get him to blush.” That explained it. It even took care of why Buck was so happy when he came out.

“Ah, the lovey dovey stuff,” Chimney could understand that. He and Maddie got that way, sometimes, and he could only imagine how the other pair was.

“It works,” Eddie tapped against his mug. “I’ll talk to him about the beach tonight. Maybe we could break it down, only go for a short time or on the boardwalk.”

“They got a lot of new stuff down on the boardwalk,” Chimney figured the best way to keep everyone calm was to keep them busy.

Throughout the rest of the shift, Chimney noticed how Eddie would come to stand by Buck, head resting on his shoulder. It wasn’t an odd position, not with how often Chimney was used to seeing them reach out for a physical touch, and he managed to catch Eddie talking softly each time. While the words were hard to make out, the meaning behind them must had been heartfelt, as each word seemed to make Buck relax a bit more.

“Any idea what Eddie’s saying?” Hen asked as they began to wind down after the latest call. Chimney smiled, not wanting to reveal what Eddie had told him, and went with a light hearted,

"Oh, just some sweet nothings.” Hen rolled her eyes and let it go. It didn’t mean that they didn’t poke a little fun at the couple, it was hard not to, especially when they got to see Buck blush more, and Eddie smile wider and wider. Chimney wasn’t sure how the whole beach trip, as limited or modified as it would be, would go. Maybe it would all work out or maybe it wouldn’t. But Chimney was sure that regardless of whatever happened, Eddie would have Buck’s back, and vice versa. Thinking back to the pair when they first met, and the turbulent years that preluded their relationship, Chimney didn’t worry too much.

It always worked out for them in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's an update! I appreciate all the patience you guys have for new chapters, leave a comment or kudos if you wish :)


	17. Chapter 17

38 Mathematics

Buck is just finishing up the process of getting his belongings together when Eddie plops down on the bench behind him.

It wasn’t uncommon for the two of them to remain close at the end of a shift, especially if it had been one with some tough calls, but today had actually been a decent day. No serious injuries, no mass casualties, no one having to face a life-threatening situation. Buck wasn’t sure what they did to get this, grateful for the chance to breathe for a moment, and now he was just worried about the next city-wide disaster.

“I have something to ask you,” Eddie started.

Buck closed the door to his locker and let his hand drop the cloth strap on his duffle bag. It wasn’t like there was anything breakable in there and no one else was present in the locker room. Considering the late hour, the clock inching closer to 4am, everyone that could go home had already made their way out of the building. Buck lingering after his shift wasn’t odd, just his way of decompressing, and Eddie had quickly picked up the habit with him.

“Sure,” Buck said and came to sit down next to Eddie on the bench. “What’s up?”

Eddie fidgeted, mouth opening and closing a few times, and Buck held his tongue while the other man got his thoughts together. Eddie got like this at times, mind racing faster than his mouth, and stringing thoughts together ended up being harder than normal. Buck could understand that; there had been plenty of times when he just needed another moment to get everything sorted out in his head.

“Christopher has his parent-teacher conference this week, on Thursday,” Eddie was ringing his hands together and kept his eyes trained to the floor. “He wanted me to ask you if you would like to come.”

Of all the possible things Eddie could have said to him, this wasn’t even a thought, and Buck was speechless for a moment.

“He wants me to go with you guys?”

“Chris said that you should meet his teacher,” Eddie finally turned his head to look at him. “And see the classroom.”

“I’ve met his teacher before,” Buck said. “And been inside his classroom, too.”

“Not as my boyfriend. I think Chris wants to show off a little bit for you.”

Buck had helped Christopher with homework and projects before. Picked Chris up from school, gone with Eddie during the morning school run, even collecting the boy when he was feeling sick once, none of that was new.

It was all stuff that he had done since he met the Diaz’s and knew that Eddie wouldn’t be angry with him if he tried to help out. The two of them dating was still relatively new. They had reached the five-month mark, finally feeling comfortable telling their friends and family about their new relationship, and for the most part things had remained business as usual.

Buck and Eddie still worked alongside each other, hung out when they had a free moment, and continued to be in sync in what they did in the field and outside of it. Christopher, after finding out that his Dad and his Buck were dating, was over the moon.

Soon, outings to the park became all day events instead of morning or afternoon get-togethers.

Christopher began to insist that Buck read another story at bedtime when he spent the night at the Diaz house.

Pestering Eddie for more cuddles on the couch during movie nights that often led to Chris being sandwiched in between them while Eddie and Buck huddled close.

When it came down to parenting, however, Buck still defaulted to Eddie. Sure, Buck continued to assist during homework time, and he continued to go all out for any projects Christopher had, but Eddie still did most of the work. Eddie was the first person called regarding any school issues. He was the one answering the emails and signing off on the permission slips. Buck might have been put on the emergency contact list, which had been a discussion and a half when Eddie suggested it, and even then, Buck still checked and double checked before doing anything.

Buck would call it being careful; Eddie called it overthinking on good days. Self-sabotaging on the bad days. 

The other reason, the unspoken one, was the Buck was constantly worried that he was overstepping. It was a thorn in his side and the therapy sessions were still ongoing to help reduce those thoughts.

“That’s a pretty big step, going as your boyfriend,” Buck replied. Eddie flashed him a smile and knocked their shoulders together.

“Buck, he’s wanted you to come since the start of the school year. You would have been asked to come either way, us dating or no,” Eddie chuckled. “I want you there. Christopher wants you there. The only question is if you want to be there, too.”

Buck did want. He wanted it like nothing else. Taking advantage that they were alone, Buck scooted closer and pressed his face against Eddie’s neck. Wordlessly, Eddie’s arm came up and wrapped around his shoulder, a move that was automatic for them.

“I’m going to have Christopher show off each piece of school work they have on display.”

“I would expect nothing less. It’ll be a good way to build up his confidence.”

"Probably gonna ask his teacher too many questions.”

“I hope so. Neither one of us can figure out those math worksheets and this way both of us will get the information at the same time.”

“This is a pretty big step,” Buck cautioned.

Eddie was always careful when it came to Christopher. Not that Buck even blamed him; that kid was one of the most important people in his life and they weren’t even blood related. Hell, Buck had only been in Christopher's life for a handful of years.

“You help him with homework, you work on projects together,” Eddie listed off. “You even have some of his graded stuff and one report card on the fridge at your apartment. This is a big step, I won’t lie, but it isn’t something that scares me.”

“It doesn’t?”

“We’ve done almost everything for Christopher together since coming to LA. I’m dating you and I want you to be with me for everything else that comes up for Christopher. So, will you come with me to the dreaded parent teacher conference so I don’t have to make small talk with other parents on my own?”

Buck couldn’t help the snicker that escaped his mouth; Eddie sucked at making small talk with other parents.

“Well, I can’t leave you all alone for that,” Buck teased. “What kind of impression would you be making for Christopher?”

“Is that a yes?”

Lifting up his head, Buck can see that Eddie’s waiting for an answer. There was a thread of apprehension behind those eyes, a result of being scared to ask for help, and that’s something that Eddie was working on. Buck leans in and quickly presses their lips together. Normally, they keep the PDA to a minimum while at work. Seeing as no one is here Buck has no shame in taking advantage of it and from the resulting grin on Eddie’s face, he doesn’t seem to mind.

“Yeah,” Buck answers, face splitting into a wide smile. “I’ll go with you and Chris on Thursday.”

When they tell Christopher in the morning, the boy lights up just like the sirens on the fire truck, and starts telling Buck about all the past teacher conferences that he’s missed. Eddie, for his part, fills in the gaps and makes a few comments when needed. Buck never thought that he would be on the other side of these school events, going as the parent instead of the student. When Thursday rolls around, and Christopher is leading him inside with Eddie bringing up the rear, Buck relaxes.

Knowing his Diaz boys, this won’t be the last parent teacher conference he attends. He can’t wait.


End file.
